Hi. This is my first post so here goes a little about my situation. I am a carer for my husband. We have been married for 11 years now and met at a mental health facility. Over the first 4/5 years of our marriage my mental health was poor and I was in and out of psychiatric hospital but luckily I had supportive family who helped in my care. Over time I have worked hard and this year got discharged from the community mental health team. My husband is still under the CMHT has paranoid schizophrenia and anxious personality disorder. Over the last 5 years he has declined not having left the house for over 3 years now except on a handful of occasions for medical appointments which someone has to go with him. I do all the household chores, medication which includes having to email CMHT and collect a written monthly prescription because the psychiatrist started him on a medication that our GP won’t repeat because it’s ‘red’ formulary. Our GP is in a different council area to the CMHT. I also do all the bills, food shopping, all telephone calls and I feel totally overwhelmed and so lonely. My family have now moved out of the area. I feel let down by CMHT they have discharged me after being under there care for over 15 years to primary care to effectively cope on my own but also care for my husband who they have effectively left as they state he has capacity and there hands are tied. I have had a carers assessment and my husband also had a assessment and the council did provide carers once a day for a while but they were to provide ‘self care’ which coincidentally is one of the only tasks he can function independently in so this was stopped. I feel guilty for even saying I feel trapped but I do I have already lost many opportunities due to my own mental health, I want to experience different things like studying, travelling and I thought I would be doing this but then I feel so selfish as he looked after me and waited for me whilst I was ill. I guess I just feel so alone in this journey, no family, no support from CMHT , no friends and sometimes I just want to disappear but then I would never do that because I love my husband to much. Argh it’s a difficult dilemma. Sorry for the rant but it need to come out at some point!
@Nessnoss you are not alone and it is so good that you have reached out here. I also care for my husband with mental health issues, he also does not leave the house and I do everything. It can feel over-whelming because it is.
You are perfectly entitled to be angry, frustrated, frightened by it all. I found CMHT offer no support and it is you who does it all. I found it hard to set the boundaries of how much I would engage with his problems.
I cannot fix them and now just ride the storm they create. You have to put your needs first, it is not selfish but if you can’t cope then no-one copes.
Take time to get out of the house, join a group. You wanted to study so look for local courses you could join, do something for yourself.
You will get lots of advice here and you can come here to rant, vent frustrations and feel connected
Hugs
Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you feel imprisoned by your husband’s illness.
What does your husband say if you suggest going out, even for a short walk?
Staying at home will ruin his physical health.
What does he say when you want to go for a day out, not just essential shopping?
You are right to want to have a good, happy life. I studied for a degree, part time, when I was about 40, really enjoyed it. This is a good time to look at courses which start in the autumn.
If you would struggle to afford them, ask for them to be funded by Social Services.
Did you discuss your wish to get out more during your Carers Assessment?
Hi @bowlingbun , well if I suggest going for a walk he always says he will go tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. Your right his physical health is suffering but getting him to the GP is another problem all together 
Regarding going out for the day, tbh I don’t have anywhere to go for the day as I would be in my own. I have just passed my driving test and was hoping this would encourage him to come on day trips out but unfortunately it hasn’t really worked out that way.
Congratulations for passing your driving test, that’s a huge achievement. Do you have a car now?
I was widowed suddenly when I was 54. I married at 19, we did everything together, in later years running a business together, so I had to build a whole new life. I found a book called Starting Again, by Sarah Litvinoff. It was written initially for separating couples but so much is applicable for anyone looking forward, wanting to make changes but not sure what they do or don’t want that to look like. Best of all, it has lots of ideas and is very easy to read. A paperback, often on eBay.
@Tiredanne thanks it feels so good to be understood. My local CMHT makes me so angry, I tried to explain to them that if something happened to me, or we separated how would my husband get his medication and their respond, well rather the look they gave me was like I was the most selfish person ever to even consider it. I feel if they can get a family member/ carer to do they job they are more than happy to put the full responsibility on them so they don’t have to do their own job
@Nessnoss I know the look. You are exactly right that they want you to do it all, with no support. If they helped in any way it may be easier but they want to walk away and leave you to deal with something you do not have the skill set to work with.
You have to put yourself first, it is hard because your husband will also put the quilt on you, ‘we married for better or worse’ has often been said to me but somethings are beyond your ability to cope with.
I have now taken steps back and just send them emails with my updated view of my husband’s progress and that is all I can do. I am busy doing everything else to keep our life going.
I also go out, on my own and quite enjoy the escape. I visit local sites, visit gardens, people will chat to you if you want I have found. But I have discovered I really like being on my own. Now you have passed your driving test, well done, you can be more independent.
Try joining a local club, I go to a Carer’s Group and also a book club. A chance to meet others and get some time just for you