Hello everyone, I am new here I decided to sign up as 5 weeks ago my husband had a mental breakdown he is under the care of crisis team which is great for him even though we haven’t made much progress yet. However I’m finding I’m struggling I’m doing all that I’m meant to supporting him with low mood, taking the snappiness but I feel incredibly lonely in this, he was the one who would make me laugh and now he is so shut down I feel like I’m alone in this does anyone else feel that they are struggling with the isolation of Being a carer. Today I just broke down in tears nothing had happened to Cause it I think it’s just hit me that things are different at moment.
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@LisaElisa…..hi, welcome to the forum. I don’t have any experience re mental health but others on here do. I do understand how lonely and depressing it can be though looking after someone who isn’t well. Hopefully you have a support network in place. You’ll find this site a great place to say how you feel and to be able to get things off your chest without any judgements.
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Thank you for your kind words, support isn’t huge I’m just trying to do the best that I can each day and hopefully that is enough
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@LisaElisa Hello and welcome from me too. I agree with @Sue24 this is a very supportive place. We cannot provide all the answers but we can offer a safe and caring place to ask for support and advice.
I would suggest you try to distance yourself a little from your husband and get out as much as you can. Even just for a short walk? Caring is very isolating and lonely and you cannot provide support and help for him if you do not care for yourself. Do you have a local ‘Support for Carers’? If so may be worth making contact.?
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Welcome to the forum. It’s OK to have a good cry when your whole world has been turned upside down. Personally, I don’t think you should “take the snappiness” when until now you’ve had a good relationship. He needs to realise that you have to face his illness together, it’s not your fault and he has no right to be snappy with you when you are doing your best to support him. Do you know what led to the breakdown?
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Thank you for your reply when I’m not with my husband I am visiting with my MIL who has just been diagnosed with cancer, unfortunately even going for short walk isn’t an option I suffer with CRPS and was supposed to undergo spinal surgery next Month but due to how things are I’ve had to cancel as I cannot even begin to think how that would even work with me being laid up from surgery
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Thank you I was putting my foot down before but crisis team say I shouldn’t argue back as it makes things worse and can cause further issues. I don’t think I’ve explained things well as quite Honestly I’ve no idea what is going on in his head, they all seem quite concerned but I suppose where they are used to these situations they understand better than me all I know is my world seems to have done a 90• turn.
As for what caused it I believe it’s an accumulation of grief and now new cancer diagnosis of a parent think it was straw that broke camels back.
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Hi @LisaElisa and welcome!
Tbh, I think you should talk to your GP about your health. It seems to me that with your CRPS, all the other issues you’ve mentioned and now your husband’s mental health issues, the chances are very high that you are also depressed. Frankly, I’d be amazed if you weren’t!
Take care - and do post on the “Roll Call” - our “garden fence”. Lots of discussions going on as we chat about our day, and definitely we have a few “jokers” in the pack.
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Thank you for the advice I think I should contact GP before I’m no use to anyone either
I wasn’t suggesting that you “argue back”, because arguments don’t solve anything.
If he is having a go at you, for any reason, just leave the room, saying “I don’t have to listen to this”.
Hi Lisa,
I’m going through the exact same thing. Partner discharged 8 weeks ago from mental health after a breakdown and psychosis. I’d be happy to give you my email or number.. I’m finding it a struggle doing this by myself and having no one understand what I’m going through.. not him, me!
You’re not alone it’s blooming hard.
Please reach out if you’d like
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Hello I’ll join in on the husband with mental health problems party/ support too. It’s bloody hard,. I’m new here too and was also looking for support so hopefully we can all sort each v other?
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Yes can I join this party/support too? I am convinced husband has Frontotemporal Dementia but getting a diagnosis is a ‘challenge’. It is very very hard and the only way I stay more or less sane is because I have my beloved cats and a few close friends and of course the Forum. I am trying to make more local friends but am so ‘constrained’ by my very difficult 86 year old husband. His ‘outbursts’ socially are a nightmare. We call him ‘The Senile Toddler’ at the Book Club.
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@LisaElisa welcome to the forum. Just over 18 months ago my husband of 46 years first attempted suicide. The crisis team came but you are left with them when they go.
How often are they coming to support him? I wouldn’t say they know best as you know him and your relationship better than anyone.
I found that my husband became, remains, totally self centred so you must take care of yourself.
Keep a diary of how you are feeling and what is happening.
Keep a diary of who is visiting and when they visit, a rough idea of what was said.
It is lonely, I lost a person, who like yours, made me laugh. No more days out, seeing family, world turned upside down.
I was very lonely and found support in this forum which helped me draw boundaries. Like @bowlingbun has said if he is getting snappy walk away to protect yourself. I argued back, became angry, frustrated, sad, lonely etc. OK for mental health team to say don’t but they walk away and you are left with this person you do not know.
Do you have friends who can just get you out for a while, a walk, coffee. Just to feel more you again.
Keep reaching out, I see some names here that are in the same situation and hopefully being able to vent here will help, it helped me
hugs
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Counselling made me realise that I couldn’t change my elderly disabled mum so I had to learn how to manage her expectations. Despite me being recently widowed, disabled in a car accident etc she was saving jobs for me although she had carers 3 times a dayI My counsellor taught me how to avoid jobs without saying “no” for example. I was very sceptical to start with, I’d bottled up a lot of feelings for a long time just to keep going, but honestly it was the turning point for me.
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Feeling lonely too. My husband recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s Dementia, having been diagnosed with Parkinson’s some 10 years ago. He holds it together in front of others but very difficult at home on our own. Looking at joining U3A, gym, organising swimming, and other activities that we can both do. Wishing you well
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Welcome to the forum Daisy.
Money doesn’t make anyone better but can help make life easier.
I always check that new members are claiming everything they are entitled to. A dementia diagnosis means that your husband is entitled to PIP or Attendance Allowance, depending on his age? Once either of these are claimed he becomes exempt from council tax due to severe mental impairment. A really horrible term I’m afraid, but easy to claim. Do you have Power of Attorney?
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We have just applied for Attendance Allowance and were told this will mean he gets 25percent reduction on council tax. My daughter is helping but works full time and we are in process of buying a new home nearer to her. Very new to this latest diagnosis
It will mean he is EXEMPT from Council Tax, so only you count as a resident.
A single person can have a 25% discount.
Whilst coming to terms with the diagnosis, be very kind to yourself. It can be rather like a mourning process, and sadly some of your hopes for the future will never come true.
Make sure you keep some time for yourself every week to do something which gives you pleasure. Swimming, going to the hairdresser, having a beauty treatment, going to a fitness class, sewing class, whatever you enjoy most.
Your mental and physical health are really important.
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Thankyou / makes a difference being able to share
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