Caring alone and with a child.


I’m new to this forum although not new to caring. Introduction is that I’ve been helping with caring for family members since I was a child. Part time carer to my parents from 15,16 years plus although I’ve tried to study and work to maintain some life. I became a full time carer to my Dad five years ago. He’s always been an older Dad was diagnosed with a chronic illness 15 years ago. It developed into cancer and heart problems five years ago. He won’t accept any other help except me despite my breakdowns.
I struggle on a daily basis mainly from worry, exhaustion, little social time and constant criticism has eroded my trust and confidence.
I also now have a child and I still receive no extra help. I’ve had a Carers Assessment recently but with Covid it’s caused more stress. Anyone else have any suggestions of how to manage and enjoy life in this time of anxiety. I feel I’ve been a carer for my whole life so have lost my own! Feel old and very depressed and tired.

Hope everyone health is ok and how you get by? :slight_smile:

Hi Bethany,

welcome to the forum.

You would be surprised how many times new members have typed on here, that their caree won’t accept help from anyone else except them!!

However, this is not sustainable - as you are now experiencing. Even more so, since you are now juggling looking after a toddler too.

I’m sorry your Carers Assessment caused you more stress, but at least you are now recognised as a carer. Did you get any support as a result of it?

Next step is to get your Dad a Needs Assessment - I know it’s not what he wants. However, if you ‘go under’ then he and your toddler will have no one to look after them. Does your Dad claim Attendance Allowance? This could be used to take some of the pressure off you too - as it can pay for help with housework, gardening etc

Do you live with your Dad?


Hi Melly,

Thank you for your reply. He does receive Attendance Allowance unfortunately won’t always use it, won’t allow anyone into the home even before Covid restrictions so we’ve had problems with accessing help with stuff like cleaning. Hence hostilities from family too. I do live with him again and this is where family expectations versus needs breaks down.
I’ve had three Carers Assesments in the last five years which help but under the restrictions can’t always use the direct payments or services. My Dad refuses a needs assessment every time.

I can’t seem to get anyone to do anything because it’s a catch twenty two, I seem negligent and he has a right to refuse. I’ve already gone under a few times and don’t feel taken seriously by health or social care at times.
If it’s common for Carees to not accept help how do you cope?