Hi from this fellow newbie

So I’m new here. Decided to seek support from people in a similar situation. I am 33 and live at home with 2 adult brothers and Dad. I care for dad as best I can but I know what I do isn’t good enough. I also work full time which at the moment means work from home.

Dad is becoming increasingly demanding. Complains of boredom yet he is surrounded by books, has access to a garden and has the internet at his disposal. He refuses to keep himself entertained and instead watches the same stuff on youtube everyday. He also refuses to eat proper meals or be showered. I feel like I am neglecting him but any attempt to cajole him into a different meal or having a wash will result in a tantrum worthy of a 3 year old. I’ve cared for a relative before and I know whats to come and yet I feel completely exhausted at the thought.

Is dad ill, or needy?

Hi I feel your pain I’m at home all time & I can’t get my mum interested in anything other than tv sorry not much use but you not alone

Hello Emma, welcome to the forum. You are definitely in the right place for support from people who understand your situation.

It’s challenging to care for someone and easy to feel that you’re not doing enough when really you are doing all that you can. It’s important to look after your own wellbeing as well and understand that you’re not alone.

Have a look through our help and advice pages and make sure you’re getting everything you’re entitled to:

If you would like to chat to other carers in a similar situation we run a weekly online meet ups, they’re very informal and there’s no pressure to share anything more than you want to. Carers tell us they find it helpful to have a quick scheduled break where they can talk to other carers. Do sign up if you’d like to join us one week:


Best wishes


I’ve now come to the conclusion that we are all responsible for our own happiness, whatever life throws at us (d I’ve had some awful things thrown in my direction!!)
If we don’t put ourselves first, no one else will!

As a young child I was brainwashed into thinking that it was “good” to help, “bad” to put ourselves first. When mum gave birth to my 8 years younger brother, I was continually expected to help, to the extent that he called me his “No.2 Mummy” and sometimes I was mistaken for being his mum, not sister!!!

If you want to help dad, that’s fine BUT that help has it’s limits. Keeping him happy and entertained is not your job. If he wants something, he can do it himself. The more you do, the more he will want you to do.

DON’T do things for your brothers. Take some time off when they can look after dad instead. It sounds like they expect you to wait on them. Don’t!

As for washing himself, if dad doesn’t want to do this (and definitely not your job) then your brothers can do it, or get someone else in. Be forthright. Tell him he smells. Not acceptable in this day and age, and he’ll make the house smell too?!