Carer for 18 years. Just wanted to vent my feelings!

Hi everyone!

I’m 61 and have been a carer for parents for the last 18 years! Mum had Parkinsons and dementia, which was a huge challenge, but I cared for her in her own home, where she passed away in 2010.

Since then I have been caring for my father, who is 95 and still in the family home, but has been having falls, and is becoming confused and increasingly more difficult! He is also completely deaf, which adds to the confusion more than a little!

We have help from various sources, good support from dad’s GP and twice weekly visits from district nurses who attend to change dressings on chest and back lesions. So I don’t feel like I have no practical support, in fact we do quite well! It’s just my brain that needs some ‘time out’!

I’m an ‘only child’, and a divorcee so have noone to share the day to day gripes and moans with. I have 2 grown up daughters both with mental health issues, still living at home with me, so do a lot of running around for them too!

Before all this started I was a midwife with a good job and now I’m living on Carers Allowance, and feel like my life is over! I’m sure many of you feel the same, and I would love to hear from you. It definitely helps to share experiences doesn’t it?

I’ve had a total of 10 family carees over the last 40 years!!

Delegation is the key to survival. Are you getting enough support so you have some dedicated “me” time?
When did dad and your daughters last have Needs Assessments from Social Services, and you, a Carers Assessment?
Do you have Power of Attorney for dad?

Is dad claiming Attendance Allowance?
Is he claiming exemption from Council Tax due to “severe mental impairment”? If not, it’s back dateable to the day of diagnosis, and relatively easy to claim.