Care home nightmare


Advice please we persuaded mum to give a care home another try, we had tried before butvad experience so bougyt her home . Been just about coping with care package of 4 care calls a day but have always worri3d about the amount of time mum is on her own over night. She is bed bound and has had a recent chest and wee infection. Been in ithe new home less tha 2 weeks and today slid off the comode and ended up on the floor. The say say she tried to get up on her own, she has never done this and wouldn’t have the strength i later saw the same carer fail to sit her on the comodde probably and had to be told by another carer. She also calls incontinence pads nappys. Mum is very unn happy andcaants to come home
They have always said she is still of sound mind do we have the right to bring her home? I have a feeling social services may try and stop us but i just want her to be safe in all my years of looking after her she has never fallen off the comodde she is aying she hasn’t got long left and wants to be at home its heart braking.

Can only go from my own experience. Mum recently in respite for 11 nights. Due to be more but when saw lack of supervision resulting no-one going see if she ok when got glass water thrown in her face by another resident just took her home there and then. Had been similar incident previous day although had been hot custard that time.

To me, if they can’t ensure someone’s safety they are failing. End of.

I’m always so sad to read these sort of posts. My husband’s nursing home is good on the whole. Any little issues I get sorted out to satisfaction and they are few and far between of late touch wood.
All I can suggest is you look for another home, which isn’t ideal I understand. Just wanted to know I feel so sorry for your added anxiety at such emotional times.

have you reported the care worker who didn’t sit your poor Mum on the commode properly? This and calling pads nappies is a training issue. I don’t have experience of care homes, but I had to complain about a support worker at S’s college once and requested they no longer supported him. Are there other problems too or this one worker the main issue?


Thank you for your reply , there were other little niggles starting to build up, she says they dont talk to her and i have watched the carers and can see what she means. They also dont position her properly and she doesn’t have her bell given back to her.

Hi Lorraine,
There are no easy answers here.

You say your mum has capacity, so talk it over with her. Would she rather be back at home, with four care visits a day and alone over night or move to another care home or stay put and raise her concerns so they can be addressed.

Ultimately, if she has capacity, she can ask to go home. Why do you think social care might want her to stay in the care home? Is she self funding?


Hi Melly
Thank you for your reply, im not sure we tried another home a couple of months ago and that was awfull she couldn’t eat the food and they mixed her up with another person and were going to hoist her despite her not being allowed to be hoisted because of her hip. Ss got quite funny with me when i said i wws bringing her home, she is fully funded as has no property or savings. Maybe its the paperwork? The sw always seems very keen to get it all signed off. I get the feeling that they think i am an interfereing over bearing daughter but its about trying to keep her safe and settled, i would like nothing more than to be able to relax a bit knowing she was being well cared for and was safe but how can you when these things happen. I spoke with the manager today about the incident, she was very laid back about it all but implied that she did not completely believe the carers version. Sorry have gone on again such a worry

I think you could be making a difficult situation worse by not giving mum a chance to settle in and get to know people. If the time has come when you cannot cope, then you need to accept this, and do your best to find somewhere that suits mum so that she never ever has to move ever again.
It’s not fair on your or mum to place he somewhere, then home again, repeatedly.
However, her safety is really important, so I just wanted to check that it was a NURSING home, not a care home?
Who found the current home for her, you or the social worker?
Is mum self funding, or funded by Social Services?

Hi Bowlingbun,

Mum is fully funded and Social Services found the home and it is a nursing home. I do understand what you are saying about giving it time and i really want to trust them but its hard when things like the comodde incident happen. Mum gets the funded nursing payment from the nhs and i wonder if that means it is a cheaper option for ss than them funding 4 care calls a day. Its my understanding that she only gets this when she is in residential?

Hi Lorraine
My Mum is in a care home, but went in 2 years ago when she was physically and mentally stronger than she is now. We have learned to differentiate between the big issues and the niggles. We are niggled that her laundry constantly gets lost, so we now bring it all home, she gets niggled at the other residents (they are old andd lack conversation!). She gets niggles that some staff knock and enter immediately. it did take many months for her to settle, even now she’d prefer to be at home but knows its not safe nor practical. She is well aware of the difference betsweens NEEDS and WANTS.
We haven’t had any big issues yet. They would be anything to do with safety (she has had a couple of falls but not caused by anything or anyone else), lack of food drink (she gets bored of the food, but has to have a soft diet so it would be limited anyway)
I say this just to say that even a good Home will only be good enough, none are perfect. You need to work out what is important for you and for her, focussing on her NEEDS not her wants. I do remember a poster on here who kept being niggled and removed her mother to another Home which proved to be much better. Her gut instinct was right, yours may well be.
I don’t know what the situation is if she is being funded. I would raise your concerns with SS and see what they say, but be prepared not to accept their first answer and double check everything. They are known for being economical with both the truth and money.

Sorry I can’t say one way or another. I would suggest popping in often, and irregularly. This keeps staff on their toes and lets you see more of what may be going on.


Thank you for your reply very sensible words I find ss very hard to deal with but i know we all do . Best wishes.