Care home costs when your parents are separating

Hi all,
My situation is Mum is going into residential care after dad refuses to accept her back from hospital (wants to separate but not divorce) They each have £8000 in savings and £6k in joint account. They rent. Dad had finance assessment recently and as he gets £2k/month in state pension, work pension and AA he pays for his morning and evening carers. After paying rent, bills and food he will be left with £500/month. Mum gets £350/month state pension as stopped work at 45 yrs. Waiting for her finance assessment but expect to claim pension credit and pensio to all go to care home which will be council funded and she will be left £25 per week allowance. Does this sound about right? That’s my understanding.
Hardly seems fair that Dad has much more left per month than Mum. Will he be expected to split that with Mum, pay towards her care? I am not in a position to pay any top up fees myself for Mum either.
It has been dreadful trying to find a place that I would be happy for her to go to (not expecting the all singing and dancing places, just a small local place with good care) and which will accept just council funding only.
Any thoughts appreciated.

This probably explains it better than I can.

Please phone our Carers UK helpline.
If mum is being funded by Social Services, then regardless of exactly how much she has available, she will only ever have £25 “personal expenses”.
Family should never be expected to pay any top up fees.

Hello Debra
Firstly welcome to the forum, I’m sorry to hear about your situation with your parents, it must be extremely difficult for you. You’ve certainly come to the right place to meet people who understand what you are dealing with. I’m not sure if you are aware we are running a weekly meet up called Care for a Cuppa for carers to get together and chat informally. People say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here:
In terms of the other points you’ve raised I would suggest you contact our helpline, they’ll be able to help you with this further. They can be contacted on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (
Please do consider coming to our meets up Debra, it would be lovely to see you there.
take care