Hi all, recently registered just because I feel like my plate is totally overflowing right now. Sorry if this seems like a pity post but I’m kind of hoping someone will have a Pearl of wisdom that may help me feel less desperate.
I’m 38 and my husband is disabled, he has pins in his legs and feet as well as PTSD. We have 3 kids, 16, 11 and 8. We home educate & the eldest starts college in Sept. My middle child is autistic, youngest is suspected ADHD. My life revolves around my little family & learning.
Feb 2020 my Mum was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease. I’m 1 of 3, the youngest & the vast majority of her care falls on me. I’m responsible for all household duties, her medications & do most of her personal care. My sister does some but mainly just appointments. My brother will help sometimes with providing meals and taking over bedtime, but my nephew lives with my Mum. He’s almost no help. He’s an addict & just adds to the cleaning jobs mostly because I’m having to washing his dishes & clothes etc on top of Mums.
Over the last 2 years I’ve exhausted myself, mentally, physically & emotionally. I feel spent. I’ve not been well myself & am struggling physically. I barely get time to eat. I feel spread so thin I’m neglecting all the people in my life & can’t fit all the jobs in I need to.
Yesterday, my mother in law rang. She’s been diagnosed with lung cancer. We’re not incredibly close, but I burst into tears. We are all the family she has & my first thought was ‘f**k, I can’t look after another person!’ Then I felt so damn guilty for thinking about how her illness is going to impact me, rather than her! I felt so selfish & awful!
Nobody besides my husband seems to understand how it’s all getting too much & I’m worried I’m ending for burn out. But I’m worried if I crash, who will look after the people I love? I just don’t know who to turn to for help. I considered seeing my GP, asking for antidepressants, because I know I’m depressed, but trying to get an appointment is like mission impossible & I just don’t have the strength to fight for it.
I’ve been told to put my youngest 2 kids in school, but I know this will crush them. We love home education & it’s been a way of life for our family for 10 years now. The learning isn’t the hard part, it’s finding the time. My husband tries to do as much as he can while I’m with Mum, but even he gets hard pushed for time with him being the only one out of all of us that drives, and now his Mum has cancer he’s going to be driving for even more hospital appointments than usual.
I know there’s no magic wand to make my problems go away, but when you haven’t had a break for over 2 years, you just get desperate for some kind of break or help.
Sorry for such a long post & my tale of woe, I hope someone understands my situation & can relate. Surely there can’t be only me feeling like this whilst caring for people they love? Thanks for reading!