Hi all. new here, and just wanted to vent a little. I’ve been a caring since 2022 for my grandmother (who has Alzheimer’s Disease) and my young adult sister who has multiple severe disabilities and behavioural problems. After begging for helping since last March, we finally have a care package in place that involves carers visiting multiple times a day for them both. The problem is, it wasn’t enough.
3 weeks ago, I started vomiting and going to the toilet multiple times a day. I began to be terrified to be alone, and the anxiety has been so severe and constant that I haven’t been able to relax at all. After multiple hospital visits, they finally gave me a short-term course of diazepam until I can get a gp appointment. It’s believed to be a severe stress reaction and severe anxiety stemming from carer burnout. However, it started at the same time that health professionals agreed to start the process to move my sister to a residential care home, as my mum and I can’t provide her a proper standard of care anymore and it’s costing her her independence. It won’t happen soon, but eventually she will be moved. My nan will also gradually be getting increased care hours. Right now they’re both living at my nan’s house with the carers visiting multiple times a day for the next week, as they both refused to go to respite and adult social care could see we needed a break. It isn’t the best solution, but with my sister living here with us while still having to visit nan everyday we were exhausted, especially as my sister was still demanding we do everything for her even when the carer was here, which she doesn’t do with nan.
The main issue is, now that there’s finally light at the end of the tunnel, I find myself directionless and like I’ve wasted my life at 31, as I had to give up my freelance career, lose contact with friends and put my degree on hold to be a carer. I’m due to go back this month to finish my final year, but I don’t know anyone anymore because i took such a long absence and I keep pressuring myself to find a job at the same time because I feel like I’ve fallen behind and don’t have much workplace experience. I’ve been feeling so lonely and isolated because I don’t have any friends who live near me, and only a few online friends. I keep thinking the only family close to me will die eventually and then I’ll really be alone. That last thought hasn’t been as bad this last week, but the isolation is really getting to me, and I wish the constant anxiety would stop, especially in the mornings when it’s at its worse. And I hate the nausea - I miss eating more than just toast, soup and crackers.
So right now I’ll dealing with carer burnout as well as grappling with what comes after when my carer role is beginning to wind down. Existential crisis and burnout at the same time is not fun. And trying to go back to uni and restart my life on top of that. I’m exhausted and wish I had someone to talk to, but everyone’s moved on with their lives and doesn’t really understand what I’m going through. So that’s how I ended up here to vent, hoping there’s an end to feeling this way eventually.
Thanks for listening