I think I was extremely lucky as my parents ‘exposed’ me to disabled people from a very young age and therefore I saw nothing different in them, but saw the person - not the disability. That secured me a job at a school for physically handicapped kids because during interview we were shown around and I was the only person who crouched down and interacted with the kids. The others hadn’t a clue how to behave.
As you’ve commented - talk to the person, not the one standing with them. I got niggled at a hospital when G was in his chair and I wheeled him in and smiled at the receptionist and said - as I gestured towards Graham and gave his name. She then smiled at me and said ‘hello Mr M----- would you confirm your date of birth for me.’ My response of ‘I don’t know why you need MY date of birth and I am not the patient.’ and just stared at her as her face turned a lovely shade of red. ’
The BIG companies all have policies in place and trumpet how much they do to ‘help disabled customers’ but in the end a lot of it is ‘tick box’ exercises and doesnt come through in practice.
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Hello, Pathfinder. You have had many, very sensible, replies. However I want to look at your story from a different angle.
Mr P may be the unfortunate sufferer of Parkinson’s, but some ground rules are for the benefit of both of you.
Firstly, if he says he needs the loo, then you take him to the loo. No changing of mind. He must have had a reason for feeling the need to go. Why let him impose disconfort on himself by needing to hold in? Also, if there is a problem with the loo when you get there, it gives you more time to sort out something else.
Secondly, and this applies to both of you, a mobile phone should be kept on your person, e.g. in a secure pocket. A shopping bag, basket or trolley is not a secure place. You nearly lost the phone on this occasion. To loose a mobile phone can cause considerable inconvenience, in terms of the secure or personal data you can loose - not to mention the cost of replacement. If either of you cannot find a secure pocket, then get a carrier bag to strap to the back of the wheelchair, if you don’t already have one, and put the phone into there; at least that way it will stay with you.
Do let us know what response you eventually get from Sainsbury’s.
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Hi Denis and thank you for your response.
Yes, it’s a regular uphill battle with Mr P to be honest and it does wear me down. He’s very forceful and often insists on having things done his way - even though it always causes him and me unnecessary stress, and on occasion injury to himself from falls.
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Tell me about it! My caree is disabled but mentally as bright as a button. Disability clearly frustrates her, and this sometime comes over in a determination to be in control. Mr P is not mentally astute but as a result he makes poor judgements.
I suggest you tackle him on unsatisfactory incidents like this after the event when he has calmed down. Invite him to suggest, for future reference, how things could have been handled better. Talk about the unsatisfactory nature of the incident, and risks incurred. You could say things like, “You were very uncomfortable, and nearly wet yourself,” or, “Do you realise that your phone could have been easily lost or stolen?” He may have forgotten the incident but you can still try for some form of agreement.
Arguing in the heat of the moment is unlikely to get you anywhere.
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@Pathfinder99 welcome to the forum! So sorry to hear about your Sainsbury’s experience. My dad was “Big” in Sainsbury’s all of his working life and so I was brought up to believe that they were a cut above every other supermarket. Not any more it seems! I do hope you contacted the store or Head Office to complain about your experience there.
I spent 6 months in a wheelchair five years ago when I smashed my leg falling down the stairs. I truly believe that everyone should be made to spend a week in a wheelchair to open their eyes to what it is like for a disabled person and their careers. I had a woman literally fall on to me at a shopping centre because she was walking and looking at her phone and hadn’t noticed the wheelchair coming right at her. Shop doorways were frequently too narrow for me to get in and toilet facilities a nightmare……I’m sure I don’t need to tell you! Sending hugs 
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