Bpd husband left us-desperate

My husband has been diagnosed with BPD but was formerly said to be Bipolar. He recently has become extremely bad and said I am making him ill and has left me and our boys 8 & 11. We are in total shock and devastation. I had been trying everything to help him and he is completely unemotional about it and how miserable I make him. The problem is he has been camping but now needs somewhere to live. He resents giving us money so I have to sort myself out to pay our mortgage but I need to find somewhere for him to go that isn’t too expensive. He says his Mum wants him dead and he doesn’t trust his siblings, so won’t stay with them. He is more and more irrational and cruel to me. He definitely can’t come back home, as I think I am done with him. It has felt torturous being with him for a while and had always been turbulent. Think he has said he want to splits about 50 times. I am not eating or sleeping, trying to deal with my kids devastation and terrified all the time. I don’t know what to do or where to turn. I am broken. I need to get him living somewhere but it feels ridiculous talking to someone so unstable about them getting a flat or something. Any help would be appreciated.

Hi Jo,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing.

You certainly have a lot going on with your husband at the moment. It is clearly tough trying to deal with his BPD, particulalry when he is being cruel to you and that you have kids to look after. Have you talked to your local mental health team to see if they can do an assement on his mental health and whether he needs further support?

You are so right it is so hard to try and help someone when they are unstable and struggling to help themeselves. Another avenue is to speak to social services to see if they can help by talking to him.

lastly, it is really important to look after yourself, It might help to have a look at this page to get some tips: Your health and wellbeing | Carers UK


Hi Joe,

I too have a Bipolar husband, whom before he got put on the right medication and the right therapy treatment was acting very similar to your husband. We owned our own house too, but ended up in rented accommodation. I decided to sell when my husband was unable to work. I hope by the time you read this message you have found all the help and support you and your family need. Citizen advice was tremendous!