I’ve been thinking lately of seeking some help from professionals but I’m in this strange situation where I find my self doubting my own problems. Almost like having imposter syndrome I think. The feeling I get when I think about how a doctor would dismiss my feelings or how my family wouldn’t accept the fact that I may need mental help is like an immovable object in my stomach.
My memory is hazy at best and many of my days I have brain fog, makes thinking about anything so hard, I genuinely just feel like I’m getting dumber every passing day and it’s been like this for a long time… I can’t even remember the last time I wasn’t like this.
I’ve been overeating because it’s one of the only thing that makes me feel good for a little while even though it makes me feel like shit afterwards, been chronically biting my nails and skin around them until they bleed.
Even playing video games isn’t fun anymore for the most part, it’s just a distraction and it doesn’t distract me well enough most of the time even though I keep coming back to the games.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD when I was in elementary school but since then have had my hyperactivity subside by almost 100% either because it’s a misdiagnosis or because I was about to get kicked out of school and was tired of having all my privileges taken away at home and being screamed at at any opportunity as punishment.
Anyways, I’m not looking for a diagnosis here, I just need some guidance on what I should do and want to hear your opinions/similar stories if you have any. After writing all that above I feel as though going to a professional is a good idea but I always end up thinking that I overblew my issues and that it’s not that bad, I should just man up, yet it always ends up with me being in a rut somehow getting back up.
Sometimes I wish I could just have some kind of accident just to get a break from everything.