I really don’t know where to start or how this is going to come out. I’m 33 and care for my Dad who is 63. I don’t live with him.
When I’m having a rough day, everything seems too much. I seem to loose slight ability to get everything out that’s going on in my head. I’ve been suffering with my mental health for most of my adult and teenage life. Since Jan 2023 my mental health took a turn and I had to go on long term sick from work. I’m back at work but only 1 afternoon a week. Due to the state of the mental health services I have not received much therapy. Every time I see someone I get stepped-up to within a few sessions because my case is too complex (There words not mine!) I’ve been on current waiting list since Feb this year with no communication or support between time from CMHT.
My dad has multiple conditions but all impact him as if he had one major condition (if you get my meaning). My Dad, I feel, is a complex case also but for different reasons. I feel in myself that he is autistic. He is diabetic, has painful neuropathy and has now lost most of the feeling in his feet and lower legs but can still walk with aids, back pain, bowel & slight incontinence issues, constant skin irritation (which require topical creams/lotions), OCD, depression and anxiety. He’s currently under investigation by various health professionals for persistent frozen shoulder, blood pressure issues (think they call it postural hypotension), back pain and E.D. All of these investigations are by separate depts, different GPs, doctors, physios and that all seem to do different days/ times and all require constant chasing up by me on the phone! My dad seems unable to remember or keep track of any of it so I take it all and I’m not coping!
His sleep pattern is never pinned down for any length of time but as a general rule of thumb he seems to be up more afternoons, evenings and overnights… which in turn can make arranging things difficult. I find myself going to him in an afternoon and being there sometimes till late and not getting home before 10-11pm.
All his interests seem to be involving me helping him because he can’t do it alone anymore and he has no one else to help him… doing up and maintaining his old car, music/hifi, to refurnish his entire house with flatpack stuff from Ikea etc, as well as wall mounted units… he says its because of his brother passing away last year and he had to make his house ready to accept the stuff he’s currently got in storage but I think he’s gone a bit overboard but I feel I can’t say anything. Because of his OCD etc everything has to be just right and on point etc etc, between the pair of us we massively underestimate how long a certain task will take too which is massively frustrating sometimes! He also gets mad and angry quite easily with all his different mental and medical conditions giving him pain and grief in different ways but all at the same time… and I get it all first hand even though it’s not directly aimed at me most of the time.
With me, the way I am, I’m finding this all a little too much to cope with. I rather dislike phone calls, and being constantly out and around people… busy environments etc etc. It drains me entirely. There has been some suggestions flying around that I may have autism and/or adhd and/or personality disorder. So I find all this overwhelming and completely out of my depth. sometimes! With being on so little hours at work due to my mental health etc, I get UC with LCWRA element added and money now becoming another issue to add to my worry list.
I find me and my dad have trouble understanding each other and communicating effectively which can cause arguments etc quite frequently.
And I’m just 
… and feel I’m masking everytime I step outside my front door, so I can still provide my Dad with some sort of care.
Today is just a non starter and feel unable to do anything as my brain just won’t stop jumping from one thing to another.