Hi there, im new here but not new to caring. My adult daughter is 34 with a diagnosis of autism and learning difficulties. Me and hed dad are her carers and we have no respite and no extended family. My mental health has always been fragile but has had a real battering lately. Anyway long storg short Adult services have suggested that now is the time to explore supported living. Please can anyone provide success stories and advice please. What should are the pros and cons. Im so conflicted, should i be allowed to make my mental health a priority or am i the worst mother for considering this? Thankyou
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Hi, and welcome. I just wanted to say there is absolutely nothing wrong with prioritising your mental health! It’s the same as putting on your oxygen mask or lifejacket so that you can help others - otherwise you pass out or drown, and so do they. The same with mental health. If you fall apart, how can you provide support? You must prioritise your own mental health - it is not selfish, it is the only compassionate way forward for you and those around you, and especially those who rely on you in any way.
I am in a slightly similar position - I am currently exploring whether I can get my partner out of the house and cared for elsewhere, because her condition (most likely a brain injury and various complications making her bed bound) is really affecting me and our 3 children. We can’t continue as we have for the last year, and I’ve been too close to burnout too many times now. But if I burn out, how can I help her and the children?
I found some local counselling services to be helpful in the past, if only to get another perspective on the situation and let my feelings out. Some counsellors are rubbish - there are plenty of other ones giving free help, so if you find one you don’t like, just go to another one. There are all sorts of people to talk to. Some GP surgeries have their own mental support teams - mine last one had 2, and one was OK (NHS) while the other was absolutely brilliant (Change Mental Health charity).
I think other people will chip in with more useful advice, and hopefully help out about supported living. I hope things get better for you soon.
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My son has severe learning difficulties. He is now 46, became a boarder at school when he was 16, then residential college, supported living, and now lives alone in a privately rented flat with carer support. Soon after he moved into care, I had kidney cancer, my husband died in his sleep, then 3 months after that I was disabled in a car accident and couldn’t walk properly until I had 2 knee replacements!
Does your daughter use any day services?
Had a recent Needs Assessment?
We always supported my son at every stage, he came home regularly and I helped make his flat a real home from home. He lives 14 miles away, half an hour drive. Close enough to keep an eye on things, but not so close he can drop in whenever he wants.
Shared supported living with 2 men worked well, then things changed a new resident moved in who was a nightmare. This is part of a much larger story.
Ask me anything you like, either on the forum or by private message.
Housing Benefit almost covers the rent, exempt from council tax.
My son’s weekly benefits are far more than my pension!
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