Hi all my mum is 83years old and has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, she lives with me and I am her carer. These last few weeks when I leave her down stairs to go for a shower etc, she has started shouting my name over and over again. This obviously is a bit distressing has anyone got any tips on this matter. Any comments would be much appreciated.
Thanks Neil
Hi Neil
It sounds like she’s becoming more disoriented and a little scared - is she on her own or is there anyone else downstairs, is the TV on - can you share a little more about how she is these days? Is she forming questions or mainly very quiet? Is she recognising you for you or when you’re in front of her does she think you’re someone else?
Dad had vascular dementia, sometimes we had the TV or radio on for comforting ‘noise’.
However, I’m aware that with Alzheimers, some people can see you as someone else, not identify you as you, or think she’s in a strange unfamiliar place and become scared if they’re left on their own
Noise and especially music - her old favourite songs, or films can be calming.
We used baby monitors that had 2-way microphones, so I could see Dad and say something if he was agitated.
Of course, if you’re in the shower or outside that’s difficult
Here’s some Amazon ideas: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Monitor-Video-Digital/b?ie=UTF8&node=60276031
These alarms help re. safety, falls or tracking: How do personal alarms work? - SureSafe
I hope something above helps. BIG empathy!
best wishes
Hi @Neil_Mc
@susieq recommends a book called Contented Dementia and it has a whole section on strategies for this issue, you might find it helpful.
Neil, are you ever able to go out on your own?
Hello
This sounds v hard as you have no space for you. Would she cope with being comforted by a pet or cuddly toy. Sorry if thee ideas are hopeless. Thinking of you
Ula
Hi Victoria
Thanks for your reply, yes she has the tv on and we have ring cameras around the house, which you can speak through. But unless she’s sees me she still gets anxious. We have had a bit of good news though she has been to the memory clinic yesterday and they recommend a medication review, they think she may be on the wrong medication, so the hospital are doing a review. So fingers crossed this might help. In the mean we have been playing Elvis Presley videos and this seems to be helping. Thanks and I’ll keep you posted
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Hi melly1
Thanks for your reply, I have downloaded that book and will certainly read it
Thanks Neil
It’s a bit repetitive but makes sense. We want to help with logic but logic doesn’t help.
I know what you mean, sometimes I feel like a stuck record, but i does seem to work
Sometimes i can get out for an hour but it is getting more difficult
We have a dog which she dotes on and we have bought a Robopet for Christmas so will see if this helps
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Sadly mum is going to need an extra person supporting her now. Have you any thoughts or plans so you can get out for appointments etc. someone who could gradually get to know her so that if you became ill they could support both of you?
Hi bowlingbun
As luck would have it, we got a phone call off the social worker and they are coming to see us on the 28th December to discuss a care package for mum so fingers crossed we may get the help we need.
Thanks for your reply and have a lovely Christmas
Neil
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I had the best mum in law in the world, never a cross word between us in 30+ years. Sadly, she developed dementia. Father in law resisted all my gentle attempts to help him, then there was a crisis and she ended up in a secure home 14 miles away, as an emergency admission. He always expected my husband to take him! Had he not been so resistant she could have been admitted to a home less than a mile away. If you can accept that one may mum may need residential care, but the more help you have the longer she can stay home, it’s better than ending up in a crisis. There may be options of day care, for example. You are not invincible. My husband died soon after his dad from a heart attack. Your life is just as important as mum’s. It may help the social worker if you write down everything you do for mum, or the things she can do for herself, before her visit.
So sorry to hear your story it sounds like you had a really tough time. It’s a good idea to write everything down that we do for mum, I shall definitely do that. Hope you have a great Christmas.
Thanks Neil
Between 2000 and 2015 I had an absolute tsunami of terrible problems regarding various family members, and I had huge health issues. Now the dust has settled, I try to help others in the hope that they can avoid some of the pitfalls I met. My 44 year old son was brain damaged at birth, so still a carer.