Slipping away

Mum seems to be slipping further and further away but I can see her trying to hold on with all her might… the saddest thing is, she tells me she’s getting worse, she knows she’s going.
She seems to have a while when she’s more stable then suddenly things decline which happens more regularly , I’m grateful she still knows me but dread the day when I walk through the door and she doesn’t… think that is why I go every day to her, the fear she will forget me.
To be honest, I don’t care if she forgets my name or that I’m her daughter, I just want her to remember that I love her and she’s safe with me.
That’s the scary thing about Vascular dementia or any dementia, you never know from day to day how things will be , slowly watching that person disappearing but desperately trying to cling on to them and stop them getting sucked away into the abyss all alone and terrified.

When I cared for my Mum who had Alzheimer’s I found that the hardest thing was coping with the emotional side - all the practical things like keeping her clean, changing pads, changing the dressings her legs etc, I could do with ease but when she stopped recognising me that was so, so hard to cope with. I’d frequently go to bed in tears after being told, yet again “You’ll have to go now my daughter will be home from work soon”.

I told her everyday that I loved her and made sure to give her hugs whenever I could. TBH although she didn’t recognise me as her daughter I’m sure she recognised me as someone who loved her and cared for her.

Hi Ruth
It is a very difficult time, towards the end I seemed to morph from mum to wife to chief carer to cousin from 80 years ago but never daughter. Although Dad eventualy lost his recent memories, I was still recognised as a loving member of his family. Stay strong and concentrate on keeping mum comfortable.

Isn’t the emotional side the hardest bit for all of us? For good or bad? I always assumed it was.