My partner of 14 years who i have been careing for with parkinsons for the last 4 years passed in august, i came in from work at 1pm and found her slumped on the floor, initially i thought she was getting strangled from her bag strap round her neck and the chair, i tried cpr for 20 mins untill the ambulance arrived and they tried for a further couple of hours but she was prounounced dead, after dealing with the police (it was considered a suspicouse death) ambulance staff and the coroners lot they all left, the only support ive had was from friends and family . My only bit of comfort if you can call it so because i had been worried if only i had not been working i could have saved her was that the inquest stated that it was a heart attack and there was nothing i could have done. I am struggling to cope sorting out all her posetions with little support and the loneliness when things come up we did together, its just about having someone to talk to but i dont want to be a burden or a pest to my friends who have their own problems.
Hi @strawman - so terribly sorry to read that story. It reminds me of finding Graham collapsed one evening when I got home from a meeting. “Thankfully” (sorry to put it that way) he had just had a diabetic hypo and passed out.
I have limited time at the moment as due to have a phone call from surgery in a few minutes, however, please check for Bereavement Groups in your area. Also check https://www.cruse.org.uk/ as they are available with advice and you don’t have to try to cope alone.
It’s so easy to blame yourself when something happens while you are not there, but as you have said, it was a heart attack and nothing could be done.
We are all here to listen and give support so please don’t feel alone. There are people on here who have been through bereavement and can quite understand what you are going through right now.
Not sure if this will help but when Mum died, Dad was told he should talk to someone after about three months as that is when ‘reality’ hits and friends have stepped back a bit, so he was likely to feel more alone. That is precisely what happened and I got a visit for him from someone at a local Hospice. The lady rang him and just asked if she could pop round for a cuppa and a chat - he never knew I had set it up. Afterwards he said he had cried for the very first time since her demise.
More later
I was widowed 18 years ago, when I was 54, he was 58. Heart attack in his sleep. A while afterwards I found a forum called Way Up, really helpful and friendly. We all agreed that 6 months after was the worst time of all.
Be kind to yourself, don’t worry about clearing and sorting, concentrate on eating, and sleeping. I found a book called Starting Again helped me most, it’s easy to read with some good ideas about finding a new life. It took me ages to be happy again in my home. We spent years doing it up together, it didn’t even have a flush toilet but had a half acre garden. Plenty of room to build a shed for our steam roller!!
Have you been away on your own yet? I found it easier to think clearly. Lots of offers for bed and breakfast and cottages at this time of the year. I take my sewing machine with me and sew morning and evening, potter round the area during the day.
Later I rediscovered my love of travelling. I’ve been to lots of places but a hotel in Crete is my favourite. It’s for single travellers only, lots to see and do, if I want to, and 2 swimming pools for 35 guests, so no fighting over the sun beds here! Many of us go the same 2 weeks every year, so we’ve gradually made a new circle of friends. No lonely dinners on a table for one here, we sit at long tables.
Once you start to do new things on your own it gets easier, just be prepared to step just a bit outside your comfort zone.
@strawman…welcome to the forum. We’re all here if you need to chat at any time.
Thank you for all your words of support i feel a little disappointed in myself that i was complaining on this forum about being frustrated with Karen and the disease when now i would give anything to have her back.
it’s not Christmas that’s making it hard at the moment as we did not really do Christmas, it’s that her birthday was boxing day and i always did a big dinner of her choice and invite friends round to celebrate with her, it will be eased a little as thoes friends have invited me down to theirs.
So thanks everyone for your support, sometimes it just knowing there are people out there who understand and cair.
happies to you all and big hugs strawman
Don’t worry about sounding off - we all need to do that from time to time and the Forum is a safe place to do it as there is NO JUDGEMENT here.
Great you have friends to go to over Christmas - there’s nothing stopping you still celebrating her birthday as it’s a celebration of her life and your love for her.
As a widow myself friends want to be supportive but not insensitive. If you want to celebrate her birthday with them, do so. The first year is a roller coaster of emotions.