A member of this club than no-one wants to join

Hi there,
My name is Sue. I am in my early 60s and my husband has Alzheimers. I therefore find myself a member of a club no-one chooses to join.

Its early days for me, so hoping to get lots of information and support along this hard and lonely road.

Nice to meet you all, even if its only virtually


Hi Sue & welcome

You have come to the right place. Sorry to read of your husbands Alzheimer’s. Actually you are in a bigger club than you might think. How long has your husband suffered from Alzheimer’s and you have being caring for him.

What support to you have? As you say it’s a hard and lonely road - do you have any support from friends and family members. I have found when speaking to people. The better help and understanding a listening ear can be from other carers. Not to say family and friends are not important. People find with other carers they can say how they feel. And not feel guilty or judge and are allow to speak freely.

Good Morning Sue

I am a Carer for my much older husband and have just turned sixty - he is nearly 83. He has not been diagnosed with dementia, but his short term memory is very bad and he did have an heamatoma on his brain back in 2013. He has lung issues, and various other help problems.

I would agree with the advice Sunny Disposition has given - isolation is the killer and sometimes even good friends do not understand how hard it is to make plans when one is waiting for a chemist delivery or GP callback. I have a Carer Befriender - you could hopefully find one via the local Carers group in your area. I know my area does have meetings but I have a telephone befriender who phones every couple of weeks. Most have been Carers themselves so are very empathic.

I am sure others will come along with more advice but welcome from me and this is a lovely group.

Hello Sue welcome to the forum
It’s a very heartbreaking situation you are in.
My lovely husband had vascular dementia and strokes with other health issues.
Have you been in touch with the Alzheimer’s society? Or admiral nurses if they are in your area. Both can offer useful advice…
I too found it a long road and sadly a very long good-bye. I found it very helpful to talk of the ups and downs on this forum.
Hope you will stay with us

Hello Sue.

My Mum is currently in a care home with dementia. A couple of days ago she rang me up and then asked who I was. Not my happiest of days. It probably didn’t help that her phone has me listed as “Ratbag”. I can take a hint.

Dementia is a proper heartbreaker (I was thinking of a ruder word), because no matter how bad it gets, it can always get worse. With my mum there are specific times during the day when things are generally worse - the wee small hours of the morning when she’s just woken up, or early afternoon when she’s woken up from an after dinner nap. If she calls during those times, we know it’s going to be a difficult one.

It’s worth keeping an eye out for any pattern to the difficult moments.

Hi Sue, welcome to the forum.

Can I ask how old your husband is?
There are various benefits available, but often people don’t realise the importance of applying asap.

Has anyone told you that since the day of diagnosis he has been exempt from council tax, due to a category they call “severe mental impairment”? This can be backdated. The highest amount refunded so far is over £8,000 according to Martin Lewis, the TV money expert.

Is your house as streamlined as possible?
Tumble dryer, dishwasher, downstairs loo and shower room?
Do you have Power of Attorney for your husband?
Have you written a Power of Attorney for yourself?

I wrote my first will when I was 20, as I was going abroad to work.
I wasn’t planning on dying, but felt that it was important to consider all eventualities. We didn’t have children at the time, but any future children were allowed for in the will.

None of us know what the future holds, but if we do try to think ahead, work out what we would do if something happened, then it won’t be quite so difficult if we have anticipated things in advance.

If you own a house, or have significant savings, be sure to take advice from a solicitor and financial advisor about safeguarding your assets should your husband need outside care in the future.