Last year my mother in law moved in woth us following the death of her husband. It was hard at first (she is 87) but we sort of settled into a pattern. She is quite independant but its still hard. New years eve my mum was taken ill so also came to live with us to recover. She cant walk very well so pretty much stays in her room all day, we have a 3 storey house and she is on the muddle floor. I have given her a commode to use during the night & she has access to our en suite in the day. Every morning before i go to work i make up 2 flasks of hot water (1 for tea & 1 for washing), leave her cereals, milk & dishes for breakfast plus a cool box with lunch (sandwich). I try and encouragd her to walk with the walking frame i got her so we may be able to encourage her downstairs but shes happy in her room. Her old home is currently sat empty. Mother in law was diagnosed with mouth cancer at xmas and has had a large chunk of her upper jaw removed. My husband is taking her to the hospital every 4 weeks.
I try and explain our life to others now but they dont understand. I am exhausted & currently off work with a bad cold & cough, i think i am a little run down.
Hi Anne … welcome to the canteen.
A very interesting first post.
Do you consider yourself as a proprietor of a care home … run either on a charitable or commercial basis OR …
as a family carer doing what she considers the best for ageing parents ?
If the latter , we can help.
If you can narrow done problems of an immediate concern , we can then concentrate on those.
All sorts of questions arise.
Potential care home placements / potential CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare / Needs and Carer assessments /
Power of Attorneys / Wills / All benefits and allowances currently being claimed ? … just a few that spring to mind.
On the assets front , planning in case of future care home considerations ?
Just my initial thoughts.
Others will be alone to extend their welcomes and … probably probe a little deeper to uncover the essence of
your current situation … and resulting … problems ?
We bought a larger house with mum in laws help so that she has her own lounge & bedroom/bathroom. Our lounge is the old dining room of the house. She is quite mobile but since her operation has become less so and is more dependant on us. We do all the cooking, cleaning & shopping.
My mum is aggrophobic and due to walking very little in the past 8 years (caring for my dad) her legs are quite weak. I am trying to get her walking more with the hope of getting her downstairs & maybe outside but she isnt keen. My husband & i are only children so are the only ones doing any of the caring. I have set up a postal redirect on mums old house but she wants us to deal with any queries which is difficult as i feel like i am making all her decisions and am not sure if i am doing the right thing. I dont have power of attorney, should i get this?
Purely on the Power of Attorney angle , one option worthy of some serious consideration :
Make, register or end a lasting power of attorney: Overview - GOV.UK
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Overview
A lasting power of attorney (LPA) is a legal document that lets you (the ‘donor’) appoint one or more people (known as ‘attorneys’) to help you make decisions or to make decisions on your behalf.
This gives you more control over what happens to you if you have an accident or an illness and can’t make your own decisions (you ‘lack mental capacity’).
You must be 18 or over and have mental capacity (the ability to make your own decisions) when you make your LPA.
You don’t need to live in the UK or be a British citizen.
There are 2 types of LPA:
health and welfare.
property and financial affairs.
You can choose to make one type or both.