Whole new way of life and no help

Hi I’m new. I am a mum of 2 girls 7 and 12 and there is my husband. I work part time because I can’t afford not to…I have 4 sisters but 2 live abroad and 2 here. My parents lived in Brighton together until last Sunday and they have now moved to Warrington to be closer. They were not sure on the move but agreed they need extra support but won’t accept any external care. Dad is 79 with terminal pulmonary fibrosis. He does not go out and is extremely grumpy. Mum has early stage mixed dementia she can communicate but forgets words, she can’t process very well and learning new stuff is really hard. So they arrived last Sunday and because dad was getting so grumpy with mum in Brighton the best decision and agreed by social workers was for them to live apart. Dad is inna private rental 10 mins one way and mum sheltered accomodation 10mins the other. Dad is ok really just demanding lien wants a newspaper dropping off. Want whiskey dropping off, this doesn’t work, I need a … etc. Mum is in sheltered accomodation and get a welfare check and and people are on site 8am-10pm. She is causing havoc learning everything and in the 6 days she has set the heat alarm off 4 days and the fire alarm and evacuated the building another day. So yesterday went like this and to be fair most days this week have been very similar. I went to work at 7.30am till 13.30 and dealt continually with dad on WhatsApp. Didn’t do much work as sorting their bills etc. as nonother time as moment. 13…30 ring Mum discussion re she went in the garden but couldn’t remember where the door out was so she asked the people in the office. According to Mum they watched her sit outside and then told her to come in because it wasn’t nice. Who knows this is Mum’s perspective with dementia. 15.00 collect 7 year old daughter. Then Straight to dad’s to take him to doctors so he can register and be rude to me. 16.15. Drop dad back and Call from Mum to see if I’m ok. Home again to check 12 year old daughter and walk her to her friends cos getting dark.and feed younger daughter.17.15 younger daughter to drama and on way a call from Mum to see how to open her prosecco. (Ps it’s open she just can’t unscrew the lid. 19.00 home from drama and en route phone call from mum crying cos she has set the alarms off again. I asked if she wants me to go over but she insists I don’t go she is ringinfbnto tell me before the office at her Scheme ring to tell me. so I dont go instead I go home to get daughter in bed, bolt down my take away and sit awaiting another call. Alongside all this youngest sister has spoken to Mum a couple times and calmed her down. Kids stuff and work if my norm but with parents on top I’m struggling. Social services in Warrington won’t help, Brighton social services has shut mum and dad’s case because they are apart and dad’s not affecting mum’s dementia by speaking to her badly they are happy. Mum sheltered scheme help but mum hates it and keep telling me she can’t stay there. Just don’t know how to deal with it all

Hello and welcome!

Have you requested a needs assessment or not? Frankly I think it is time for paid for carers or a good care home for Mum and Dad. You need to be there for your children as well. And spend quality time with your partner too. This is a online directory of all British care homes, have a look for ones closest to you and visit. https://www.carehome.co.uk/

This is all crazy! They should never have moved to somewhere that is unfamiliar.
“I don’t want anyone else” is the most common story here!!

We can help sort things out, but need a bit more info.
Dad has cancer. How long is he expected to live? Can he still walk, go shopping by himself, or is he housebound?
Mum sounds like she is very, very soon going to need residential care.

Where to go from here depends on their financial situation. Do they have over £46,000 in savings?
Are they now separated as far as their marriage is concerned.
Do they own property anywhere?
Do you have Power of Attorney for either of them?