New to being a carer

Hi Everyone!
I’m new to being a carer - Sort of.
My grandfather was taken ill approx 2 years ago - vascular dementia and Parkinson’s. We have worked together as family along with carers to manage apppoinents, shopping and day to day care and cleaning. However the last 2 months have just got tough on everyone. My husband and I have decided to move in with him, with his consent. He’s started the walking phase when he’s confused and it’s particularly at night so getting called out several times in a night and then going to work the next day is just tough and has been on our health:
As we are new to living with him, I was wondering if anyone has any advice / signpost us for support?
We don’t qualify for carers allowance as I am a full time student and he already has carers 4 times a day, which I am looking to reduce to 3, possibly 2 after time, I’m fine with this, we’re not doing t for money, just for the rest!
T x


Well at least, think this through very, very carefully, and then some more. You already are his carer, you are a carer if caring for someone else is having a significant impact on your own life.
So many people have done similar things and regretted it, because they didn’t realise the implications of what they were doing.

Firstly, where are you currently living? Do you own, or rent your home?
Does grandad rent or own his home?
How old is he?
Does he have over £23,000? (Yes/No)
When did he last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services, and you, a Carers Assessment?
What are you studying?


vascular dementia and Parkinson’s.

Considered ?

Main thread :

Hi Bowlingbun,
We currently rent and grandad owns his own home, he’s elderly in early 80s.
He only uses the downstairs of the house and we have had that adapted to suit his needs and reduce his fall hazards
He was discharged from social services recently, the funding around here isn’t great so we’re in the process of him being re-referred.
We feel that there is no other option, we have tried everything, he has alarms on his doors that notify the careline when the door opens for his walks, he doesn’t listen and says he’s going home, ends up round the block before I get there, I have tried locking him in the house, then he rings the alarm company saying he’s stuck because he gets so agitated, it makes his confusion worse. I’ve had a week off this week, and I’ve spent most of the week there, and I feel his health has improved because there’s someone to talk to about whatever he’s worrying about.
My study only takes me to university 2 days per week, so I can be available when needed, rather than travelling back and forth each day for various things.
Thanks x

Jade, the most important thing to consider is whether or not you would be made homeless when grandad dies, or if he moved into a nursing home.
His dementia is clearly advancing, and you must accept that at some time he might NEED 24/7 care in a specialist home. There are many people on the forum who are, or have been, caring for someone with dementia. At the “end stage” residential is often the only option left.
If he moved into residential care, the house might need to be sold to pay for his care, which would then cost between £1,000 and £1500 a WEEK.
Does grandad have any surviving children, are there other grandchildren?
Does anyone have Power of Attorney?

CHC / NHS Contuing Healthcare ???

Hi Jade

I’d just like to say that to me, from a practical/financial point of view, moving in with your grandad seems sound plan, especially as he is only using half the house so presumably you and your partner will have run of upstairs?

When I got divorced my choice was waste significant part of my salary on paying rent (for a job I was, at best, lukewarm about in a city didn’t want to go back to) or stay at home where I was and support my mum. I don’t ever regret not going back under those circumstances. If it doesn’t work out or your granda needs go into care you can always move out and rent again.

I agree, that if it saves you rent money, etc, it could be a ‘win win’ for both you and your g/father. Just make sure you DO have the means to move out and rent privately etc, if your g/father has to go into residential care. Don’t rely on living in his house.