My aunt who is 94 lives alone in the house she has inhabited for 70 years and since her husband’s passing in 2006. I am her nephew and her closest living relative. I live over 2 hours away by car. I have noticed in the past few months a significant deterioration in her physical health, and to a degree her mental health. She has very poor hearing and often doesn’t hear the phone or door bell. She appears to spend most of the day in bed and early goes out.
She lives with a small elderly dog who urinates and defecates around the house. My aunt keeps cancelling my visits to see her - I think it’s because she is embarrassed about the state of the house which used to be immaculate.
I am sure my aunt would qualify for some support and have spoken to her about having a carer come in or even moving to a care home, but she refuses - says she doesn’t need a carer and can’t move elsewhere because of the dog. I have suggested meals on wheels but she won’t have that either.
There are neighbours and friends locally who have been a great help to her in recent years but they are finding supporting her increasingly difficult and are looking to me to do more.
Whenever I contact any kind of support service, they just say that my aunt has to agree to it - which I totally understand but it gets me nowhere. I certainly can’t imagine her to agreeing to setting up Power of Attorney and, whilst physically frail now, she still has mental capacity and has always known her own mind!
So I am very worried about her and at a loss as to what to do and so would appreciate any suggestions or ideas.
Thank you
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Your aunt is a vulnerable old lady, and deserves help and support, but sometimes old ladies can be very stubborn, their own worst enemies!
I suspect that she is becoming mentally frail, especially if she isn’t aware of the dog’s mess.
Do you know who her GP is? I would ask for a home visit, with the doctor saying something along the lines that she hasn’t been to the surgery for a long time, and they like to keep an eye on their most senior patients.
Alternatively, maybe a Health Visitor.
n some circumstances people can be removed to a place of safety.
Social Services have a duty of care towards vulnerable people.
I have read of legislation whereby under some circumstances the council can use Public Health legislation to clean up a property.
In your circumstances I would write a letter and copy it to the GP and Social Services, explaining the situation as you have done here, expressing your extreme concern.
I might also add a sentence along the lines of “if you do nothing and something happens to my aunt I’ll hold you responsible”.
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Thank you for your detailed and sympathetic reply. It’s very helpful and I really appreciate it.
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I would also suggest that you ask her kind neighbours to ring Social Services and/or themselves. The more people expressing concern, the quicker they are likely to do something. Aunt is probably entitled to Attendance Allowance, if not claiming already. Given her age, she will have experienced the War, when people were encourage to “manage” and “not make a fuss”.
Does she own or rent her property?
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Hi @Lequimper
Welcome to the forum.
Your Aunt is lucky to have you looking out for her. It does sound as if she is embarrassed about the house and struggling with everyday tasks.
BB has given you lots of great advice.
Can I just add does she have hearing aids? Being deaf is so isolating and will make interaction so difficult.
Also as you say her dog is very old too, but he might still enjoy a toddle around the block.
https://cinnamon.org.uk/
Operates in some areas and can help with this.
Thank you for replying and fir your suggestions. Yes my aunt does have hearing aids but often doesn’t wear them, especially when in bed. Thanks for the details about the Cinnamon Trust. I’ll get I touch with them.
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