Visiting Relative in Care Home

I find that for the rest of the day I feel much calmer and can concentrate and feel I can cope better, my mother is calm and even still has her sense of humour, she does remember me, but I notice her Dementia steadily slowly increases, so conversations are quite short - and of course it can be hard to have conversations as dear mum is not interacting in the world, she said she does not mind that she does not talk to people, she always was very much I guess a loner, but very kind and very caring, always would help people.

The Next day I hope to feel calm but the Depression comes back like hits me in the face, its like being in no mans land, you know at some point your dear relative will pass, but you maybe have years of this? I don’t wish her to be gone of course not, but I have had to learn to take one day at a time. There are few solutions in our society, you cannot drug away emotional pain – and you are all very strong people - we are often given way too much to deal with, we are a disgusting society in many ways re our Governments who have not made our Social Care second to none, which they could have easily done,

I do holistic stuff to try and keep my situation as manageable as possible --I know that using MAGNESIUM is crucial and I still have symptoms of deficiency, but with it, it helps me to calm some very unpleasant symptoms. That background feeling of things not being right is always there, which makes it hard for me to get stuff done, I force myself though.

I do look to find whatever I can to be grateful for, its hell to not be able to talk to my mum like the good old days, I am grateful for having such a lovely mother.
I never ever realised things would be so hard, caring for mum in the home was tough, but many of you have had it much worse, but when her health went down in July 2022, that is when things really got tough.

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For the last few years, right up until just before Mum died, we saw her mind being whittled away. Talking became more difficult, but I decided a few years ago that as I keep my Facebook page very private (friends and family only) I could load on some photos that would have meaning for Mum, and so when I visited I had those to show her on the phone, along with some cartoons I knew she’d like. It became part of the ritual, and she kept her sense of self, and her sense of humour, pretty much intact, although complicated or detailed jokes were beyond her, and any photos newer than about 10 years ago the same.

It was still really hard, but at least we could have a few smiles and a few chuckles together, even if we couldn’t talk about “stuff.” Sometimes I’d show her a photo that had been quite damaged through age or poor storage - or both - and the repaired version. She loved the one of Dad from when he was about nine…it was at times like that when a smile was the best reward you could have hoped for.

Yes it is just that whittled away. There is no one to advise on how to be with our dear loved ones with DEMENTIA, she did make me laugh, she said there is nothing wrong with my memory, she always used to say that before the dementia became really noticeable. I take old photos and I remind of little things in the past, and she does still remember many things, but the mind is slowly leaving its all so very sad. thanks for your reply

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My grandmother is in a care home not far away. I used to go during the lockdowns with a newspaper, free leaflets and flowers in order to liven up her bedroom. I sometimes also brought her a box of chocolates and a old clock for her to tinker with. On her birthdays I also took biscuits and took her out for cake and wine. She loved it particularly when I donated a ancient telescope for her to play with and gave her cards.

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It is nice that you made such a good effort and that your Grandmother was not too far away and also that she enjoyed the visits out!