Hi I’m new to this and struggling with a very difficult 91 year old father. He was in a Care Home until the end of August but had to bring him home to live with us as he and us could no longer afford it. After an assessment the local authority say he does not need constant care and refuse to pay anything towards any costs.
Dad is gradually becoming more and more difficult. He is refusing to get out of bed and this is causing him to walk with difficulty. He says his knees hurt. GP has arranged physio for this. He is demanding a bed pan which the GP says is unnecessary so we have a commode next to his bed. he sleeps nearly all day, just sitting in bed to eat his meals and is then awake half the night.
Although it has only been a couple of months I am already exhausted trying to deal with all his demands. He has eveyrthing he could wish for including smart TV, Video, Tablet, smart phone and loads of other stuffwe have bought to keep him occupied but will not use them. I really don’t know what else to do.
I have to say that he has been a demanding pain the neck most of his life but this is now much worse that I ever thought it could be. My step-mum is in a care home as she has severe dementia.
I should also say he has a permanent catheter oin as he has a very weak bladder. This is also a real pain as he messes about with it a lot and causes it to leak and having to change the bed more than once a day!
Has anyone else had this happen and any advice would be most grateful.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Sally
You should not have brought him home!
You cannot be forced to care.
Time to ring the Carers UK helpline.
Keep a diary of everything you are having to do and the disruption he is causing.
This is very hard for you and in an ideal world you shouldn’t be in this position.
As Bowlingbun said, phone the Carers UK helpline in the morning for advice.
Carers UK information and support
Our telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm
I don’t have any knowledge to offer any help from but I hope you can get good advice from the helpline and get your father back into a residential home.
On the subject of dad’s funding, am I correct in saying his savings went below £23,000 in the summer?
How long had he been in a home?
Why did he move into a home in the first place?
Did the council complete a formal WRITTEN Needs Assessment?
A Carers Assessment for you, to assess your ability to care?
Make suggestions about where dad could live?
Presumably you are retired?
Is dad now receiving Attendance Allowance?
In short, I think that proper procedures may not have been followed?!?!
Perhaps it is time tor a care home