Care Home

Dad 94 has many things wrong with him
He’s registered blind his sight is severely compromised
He’s very very deaf
He has a massive bi ingual hernia which weighs heavily and pulls his body down
He has permanent Atrial Fibrillation
He has a very enlarged Heart
He has an Aortic Aneurysm which is very large and could pop at any time
And his latest thing he has a permanent catheter fitted which leaks and blocks
He is also bowed incontinent he doesn’t know when he needs to go so he poos himself
He has had many falls all resulting in ambulance call outs sometimes taking him to hospital sometimes leaving him in the care of his doctor
He is in a specialist ward attached to the hospital at the moment awaiting his care package to be reveiwed
Yesterday the social worker came saw him shuffle with his walker to the dining room and eat his dinner
That in her opinion means he does not fit criteria for a care home despite all that is wrong with him
She wants me to arrange catheter care and get a medical report because she only had documentation about the catheter she insists he will not get a care home placement unless we fund it ourselves her proposal is instead of his three times a day carers there will be four and she told me I am not to go and wash him and sort him out if he poos she said he should ring the carers and wait for them
He can’t see to ring and he can’t hear what they say to him
He leaves me a message on the answerphone and I go to sort him out
I’m there everyday there’s always problems
Everyone says I have to walk away and leave him to it so they can see if the package fails
This will end up with him getting an infection or a blocked catheter and ending up back in hospital
I am at the total end of my tether I want to walk away from all caring responsibilities I am ready to sit in a corner banging my head and rocking
Do I tell them I am not available for anything and walk away
He has no funds and nor do we to put him in a home ourselves
I am broken, torn and not able to sleep at night with all this stress my heart is in pieces and really hurts, everywhere I turn there nothing

Hi Jennifer … a sorry state of affairs to say the least ?

First up , hospital discharges … the BIBLE :

Being discharged from hospital - NHS

In short … by the book or … NO DISCHARGE.

Care package … ideal time to consider CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare :

Those are the two primary considerations before anythine else !


Having said that … of course … what happens when the support is either unaffordable or simply not made available ?

Welcome to our world , Carerland … conscription by default !

Have a perusal of both links … and then return to us.

There are other considerations but they can wait once both primary issues have been resolved … one way or the other.
( For EVERYTHING you need to know about care / nursing homes , AGE UK … a true bible on the subject : )

Oh Jennifer that sounds so awful. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You must be exhausted and feel broken.Sounds like you are a wonderful loving daughter - and that the council are taking advantage of that. If you don’t have friends or family who can support you in your battle with the council ( I know mine got bored long ago!) is it possible for you and your father to get an advocate who might be able to speak to the council on your behalf? When you are so tired and run down it can be hard to think let alone prepare arguments against teams of bureaucrats!

I had to fight the Hospital and council to get support for my father and I found it really helpful having someone on my side. The organisation Pohwer helped me and I know there are similar organisations out there (Age Uk and Social Services can help recommend organisations if you ask).

I also found it really helpful using this forum as so many people were or had been through similar challenges that they could offer a friendly message or valuable advice.

I do hope things improve and am so sorry that you and your father are having this experience.

Start by asking Social Services to arrange an advocate for you, to help you fight for what is right for you.
Tell the hospital that he CANNOT come home again. It is NOT up to the hospital or an OT to say where he goes once discharged, but it’s easier for them to send someone home just so they get their bed back!
I’ve had many fights with hospitals over my mum’s care. Like you, I had to say “I just can’t do this any more”. Mum went into residential care.

Does dad own his home?
Have over £23,000 in savings?
Has he had an NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment?

Of course, at his age he is nearing the end of his life, and he needs to be safe, secure, and comfortable, not going in and out of hospital like a Yo Yo. He needs a nursing home now whch can meet all his needs until the end of his life. You can then be free of cring, and go back to being a loving daughter again, not a headless chicken endlessly doing battle.

Thank you bowling bun
The problem is he has no funds he does not own property he gave up work to look after my Mum before she died she was only 43 when she died and I helped Dad from then until now I think he has replaced my Mum with me and then his care needs have grown and grown and grown
He has managed to save enough possibly to pay for his funeral but that is it
They say I can fund him to go to a care home but I gave up work at age 60 to care for him and I am 64 now and don’t even have my state pension until I am 66 so no idea how I can fund him
I am completely heart broken I have tried to have a normal (what ever normal is) day today
I ended up crying all over a neighbour who asked how Dad was
I went to collect his post from his sheltered flat a note was on his door asking me to knock on Rays door one of his friends
I went down and all his friends were in the lounge I cried all over them they are so upset as well they know he can’t manage on his own and they said they know I have done way over and above anything in all I’ve done, more tears
I was walking to the doctors I have a sore eye (probably all the crying), and I thought as I was walking there do you know I don’t care if I get run over by a car when I’m crossing the road I scared myself with that thought
It’s a total nightmare