Hi
I’m a 58 year old female sole carer for my 99 year old dad. (I’m my dad’s only surviving child and there is no other family - aside from his 85 year old nephew.) He’s been judged to have mental capacity - and if you heard his pithy analysis of Dominic Cummins today, you’d see why.
Problem 1 which is manageable: Frailty when walking and severe balance problems (backward toppling) render zimmers unsuitable and OTs have no solution. 12 falls this past month - 2 involved head hitting floor and anti-coagulants means CT scans.
I gave up my job 4 years ago to help him (cooking, cleaning, washing dad and acting as his human mobility aid in the absence of a zimmer.) At 99 and with his balance gone, he can’t be left alone and I moved in with him.
Problem 2 which i don’t find manageable: Severe REM sleep disturbances (acting out dreams); tactile hallucinations and some visual hallucinations.
In the day I can’t leave my dad, or go to sleep, because he frequently drops off to sleep and tries to get up from his chair to fend off the hallucinatory attackers (hands grabbing him, his chair tilting 90 degrees, lobsters biting him - none of these have corresponding visual hallucinations) and he falls unless I grab/catch him. (The visual hallucinations he has occur during waking & sleeping, are apparently Charles Bonnet syndrome - diagnosed after his 2016 stroke that affected his visual field only - and do not cause him to jump up and fall.)
As noted, my dad’s tactile hallucinations mainly occur during sleep. At nights, when he’s in bed, he shouts out continually prior to his getting out of bed. I again leap up, run into his room to catch him when he stands and before he topples over and I put him back in to bed. (Cot sides inappropriate as he has strong upper body strength and would get out over the top. A falls mat is also inappropriate as this would make him even more unsteady when he stands and in any case, he hits his head on the bed frame/walls.) He has a ‘low bed’ but still gets out of it.
My dad won’t involve social services etc and tells me I should take everything in my stride. Things were getting worse over the past few weeks and then, after coming back from hospital following a fall a week ago, I have reached crisis point - as I been up all night, every night for 7 days now - either sitting in my bedroom or in my dad’s bedroom as he calls me every 10 minutes to take away the lobsters biting him, the hands tearing at him etc, the bed turning upside down, the people in the room etc. So far tonight, since 1am he has called me over 30 times. (As explained above, I am unable to sleep in the day.)
The GP is aware of everything and have referred my dad to a psychiatrist for the hallucinations/ sleep disorder, as an emergency - but the waiting list is months. And the GP will not prescribe any sleeping tablets as these would make my dad even more unsteady
To say I feel unwell and knackered is an understatement, and I am now experiencing severe headaches. My genuine question is this: How long can I go on without sleep without being a danger to my dad and myself? (Thanks in advance for any information on my sleep deprivation.)