Hi,
Just wondered if anyone has any quick and practical tips to help
I look after my 93 year old Mum , together with my 2 sisters and carers. I do 2 afternoon/evenings a week. I feel so guilty as I hate being there and it’s getting worse. She is deaf so conversation is very difficult. Just find it a very depressing atmosphere. Taking her out is getting increasingly harder.I’m finding it’s making me depressed, even when I’m not there, I drive away with my head about to explode.It;s making me depressed even when I’m not there, and dread the next visit. I’m not a natural carer and we never had a good relationship before.
I’m tempted to tell my sisters I can only do 1 shift a week ( I know this won’t go down well) or have considered just staying for shorter periods when I am there, but difficult as she can do very little for herself. It’s also an hours drive for me each way. I also work and have other committments.
Any coping strategis would be appreciated. If I could be nicer to her when I’m there then I wouldn’t feel so guilty
Thanks x
You cannot be forced to care, you and your sisters are fighting a losing battle really.
Mum is going to need more and more support until she dies, and it’s time she either had paid carers to support her or went into residential care.
Otherwise, there is a very real danger that by the time she does die or move out, you will have lost your own chance to do some things you have dreamed of doing in your retirement.
For the moment though, you are working and have other commitments, plus the drive there and back.
You are spreading yourself too thinly, and not looking after yourself properly in the process.
There is nothing to feel guilty about.
Mum is now paying the price of a very long life. She has been lucky. My husband died at 58. Does that help put it into perspective?
I use a cheap diary to organise all our appointments and events. I colour code stuff in order to make it much easier on me. I choose to deal with the paperwork systemically. I use a plastic folder to keep track of the letters and so on. I write down some key details of hospital appointments down in my diary as soon as I get a letter in the post. I have even used online resources to my advantage too.