I don’t know what to do and i feel so guilty. My 83 year old mums mental health is so erratic and has been for the last 4 months. Its making me feel distant from her as every day shes more and more hard work. Her behavior is child like, tantrums, arms folded, stating shes right, refusing meds, being difficult with food. On occasion she can be acid tongued, blunt and without thought for others feelings.
I dont know what to do, how to help my poor father, how to keep being the daughter she demands. I live down the road and am on call everyday. We have been through all the services, health care, GPs, community support etc and shes dismissed them all over time stating shes better ( 4 month’s ago she presented she was dying). Can any one offer advise - i fear i am disliking the person she has become and wondering whether i ever liked her. Help
Hi @Sarasha, welcome to the forum. 1st off you are not the only person who is having the same issue as I have been going through it as well. I am seeing a councillor and maybe you need some one like that to start, be careful what the GP offers you as they can refer to a councillor but also offer anti depressent tablets which can help you but not brilliant. You need to talk to her social worker or care manager about her mental health but don’t let them fob you off. Stick to your guns and really tell them, even get your dad to say but also keep a record of what is going on as it will help your case. Keep us updated.
Sadly, mum may be developing dementia, and it won’t get better. I had the loveliest mum in law ever, but sadly she developed dementia and spent her last year in a secure home. You have to accept that nothing is likely to change until you make it change, or there is an accident. Do you have the same doctor? Is dad in denial? Try not to hate her, it’s the dementia talking, not your mum. You say you are “on call” all the time. This must stop. Mum and dad either have to manage or accept carers, you need a life of your own. Decide what you want to cope with, tell dad, then put your answerphone on and leave it on. My husband and I cared for our brain damaged son and all four ill parents, all living locally. My husband died in bed a few months after his father. I’ll always believe the stress of caring was a major cause of his massive heart attack. You are NOT invincible!
You could ask adult social service for a Carers Assesment and a care assement for your Mum if you haven’t already? It’s not just her choice - it’s yours and your Dad’s too. It’s affecting you all and mum can’t dismiss everything out of hand . See what support they can offer. I looked after my mum for 9 years - it started with a heart attack and overtime mum developed dementia - cardio-vascular. I was working full-time but went to her flat every morning,evening, weekends - I married my long term parnter and she was ringing me on my 3 day honeymoon. I’m not moaning here just saying I didn’t know there was support out there for me , not just mum. You don’t want to go down the road I did which ended with depression and being exhausted, feeling guilty for feeling resentful. Good luck and look after yourself X