Teenager, 16. On the spectrum. Dealing with lying etc

Always a problem with this - determining whats bad teenage behaviour and whats aspergers…

He plays on his PC a lot. More than we’d like but its his safe zone and calms him down - mostly. In the past, hes got very annoyed and smashed cupboards, thrown chairs etc in his bedroom. We moved the PC downstairs so we could keep an eye on.

Hes been good for about a year so we let him move back upstairs to his bedroom. HOWEVER, he told us a few weeks ago (before he moved) he’d broken a glass. Theres more to it. We found pieces of glass the other side of the room, all in his little sisters (whos 6) toy box. Also, there is a strange dent on the wall. There is more to this glass breakage and 99.9% certain hes thrown it.

If hes lost his temper thats fine. But he’s left glass everywhere.
Also we asked him about it and he immediately started getting VERY VERY aggressive. Thats his way. He feigns indignation that “no-one ever believes me” and then tries to front it out - but if I had a pound for every time we’d had this and hes later been found out I’d be a zillionaire.

Of course, hes made it 10 times worse now by not only continuing to lie about it but get aggressive (this is a big NO in our house - we’ve had VERY bad experiences with him getting violent in the past)

Thing is what do we do? Speak to him again and it WILL escalate. Let it go and it WILL happen again. He’ll know he can “front it out” by denying all knowledge because he knows if he kicks off we’ll back down.

Time for a change of tactics.
Some Tough Love. Filming his aggression whenever he kicks off, shouts at you or tells lies. Keep a diary.
Is he going to school or college? If not, why not. There are residential schools and colleges in my area, run by Cambian.
This cannot go on, the glass in your daughter’s room is very serious indeed.
Is he getting any health support?
Are you his DWP benefits Appointee. What is he currently receiving?

Yes its difficult though because sometimes it just DOES NOT get through to him…Thats the problem sometimes.

Yes he goes to normal school. Fortunately hes ok there. (apparently this is common).

Does see CAMHS who are useless though. Yes he gets DLA (soon to be PIP because hes 16)

He may be entitled to income related benefits as he’s 16, my son was. Take advice before claiming as it may affect your own benefits if you are claiming any.

Hi, I don’t know that I can add much help other than to say I’m in a similar situation. My son has broken phones, screens, ornaments by throwing things when in a meltdown.

He struggles with any conflict, so what to me would be normal parental “could you” to him is seen as having a go and will provoke a rage. We can often spot when he’s on the edge and the rest of the family have a phrase we use to give each other the heads up to tread carefully.

I have a number of similar dents in my wall and, yes, that generally means something has been thrown in a rage.

I think maybe you need to find what triggered it, but this age with all the hormones is VERY difficult.

My son will lie too, he will twist things we’ve said to cause conflict in the rest of the family so you do have my sympathy - it’s not easy and sometimes it’s overwhelming.

My son too was very well behaved in school!! I was on today because he threw water at me and I need to nip that in the bud as he will be in uni accommodation later in the year. I think they are often worse with the people they trust the most