Out of control behaviour

Hi I’m new to the forum - I have a 16 year old autistic son who attended main stream school but is high on the spectrum. We have always struggled with his behaviour- attitude- his hatred towards me - physical outbursts - not caring about anyone e or anything but have managed with support from school and the lincolnshire nursing team . Whilst at school it was never so bad but on leaving hes took a major leap backwards and violence comes comes a lot quicker - the things he says to me are so hurtful and at times disgusting which unfortunately resulted in me asking him to leave today which he did - I feel so hurt but scared of what he’s become and at a loss of what and who to talk to next

Hi Angela,

Puberty is always difficult but even more so for those on the spectrum and their families. My S was a passive child who was never any problem as long as we lived an autism friendly life - but by mid teens - he was a nightmare - destructive and aggressive. He was very hard to live with and I did wonder how we would survive. Thankfully he is now in his late 20s and life is much easier again.

If your son has left school - what is the plan now? Is he going to go to college? Does he have an EHCP? Would residential college be an option?

Transition is tricky across the board and can be rather a no-mans land with education, health and social care. Does he have a transition plan in place?

Which professionals are still involved with him?

Sorry to ask so many questions, but it might help us advise/signpost you better.


I think I can guess you know this already…


Is your son registered with Social Services. Is he and you getting all he/you are entitled too.

If your son gets really of hand call the police. Make sure the call/incident is log etc.

You may need this to access or for future help - by other professionals etc.

Austrilian info but makes perfect sense and very helpful hints!

Try and join a carers group.

Thanks guys - yes hes going to go to mainstream college dependant on his GCSE results but he refuses any help offered to him regarding his autism and often just walks out of meetings including any with the paediatrician - we’ve been involved with cahms a few times but now they’re saying the cant help him anymore as he wont give his consent - what would social services do ?

Hi Angela,
His anxiety due to all the uncertainty re results, going someone new etc etc is probably making his behaviour even worse.

Does he exercise? Regular exercise is crucial to S, he gets less when on college hols and thus has a negative impact on his ability to self-regulate. My friend’s son (not ASD) was becoming destructive at home and verbally aggressive to his Mum, he got involved in boxing and started training regularly at the gym - channelling all that testosterone worked, made a massive difference.

I mentioned social care, because if he is vulnerable and can’t live at home in the near future, you will need their support re funding/ accommodation etc and this is easier if he is already known to them.

Does he have an EHCP ( educational health care plan) in place? What support are the new college providing when he starts, as he will be an unknown to them and you both need this placement to work.

If you think you might need to call the police one day, then it’s better to contact them prior to a crisis, to let them know your son’s diagnosis.


Melly , hes never an ehcp plan - we had TACT meetings which carried on throughout his school life - college are aware of his background and his autism and set up a meeting to discuss what they can provide for him emotinaly and educational and he didnt want to know - didnt matter what she said - I’ve tried to involve him in sorts of physical activities- we’ve been biking- he did go to the gym but it didnt last long as when his mates got jobs they didnt have time to go with him - even when we went on holiday abroad he didnt enjoy it even though it was a holiday he asked for and it was catered round him - I should add I have a 6 year old I have to consider also

Hi Angela,
would he be able to hold down a job? A lot of young people enjoy life-guarding at the local pool - they are regularly trained in lifesaving, their is good team camaraderie and support and of course they have to prove at intervals they can swim competently etc Or is there another job that would interest him, utilising his interests?

The saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child,” are there any positive male role models who could mentor him? This could be a family member, friend or someone from a charity or organisation? Or perhaps he could do a Duke of Edinburgh award? Anything to channel his frustration and aggression and give him some routine and structure, which would take the pressure of you and the little’un.

In an ideal world what would you like to happen?





Hi melly , in an ideal world I want him to be happy go to college and have a little job - I’ve done everything I can to help him with that - he has so much support from family and friends- I’m married to his dad and he does his best with him and is very supportive of him and is always there for him -my dad is quite close to him but even lately that’s detoriated- I think we all feel we can do no more - we’ve decided it’s time to ask social services to get involved - it breaks my heart that its come to this - even tonight hes being aggressive- absconding- 2 hours looking for him

If you don’t do it already, keep a diary of what is going on.
Next time he has an outburst, get your phone out and record it.
He is 16, on the verge of being an adult, cannot be allowed to carry on behaving like a stroppy toddler.
Maybe tell him that is what he is doing???
I take it you are not his mum?

Bowlingbun, yes I am his mum - it’s no good telling him he’s acting like a stroppy toddler as that would be red rag to a bull and hes so beyond reason I doubt he cares - we’ve had mediation today and even they’ve said we have to face the possibility that the only answer now is asking for social services help , which could mean I loose him altogether

I very much doubt that, they normally try to keep families together as much as possible these days.
Has he been offered a place at a specialist or ordinary college? Would weekly boarding help do you think?
Apologies if all these have been considered and rejected already.

Don’t worry, it always happens in the transition age - puberty, it will take just a year and everything will pass. A rare child who has entered adolescence does not change his behavior. As a rule, it becomes more aggressive. This is due to the restructuring of his body, changing the characters of the same teenagers around him, who during this period begin to assert themselves, prove something to each other, try to earn respect in this way. There are cases of violence against less aggressive peers, who are appointed outsiders and ridiculed in every possible way-both mentally and physically. They create their own groups and do not allow outsiders to go there. The relationship with parents is also changing. They seem to teenagers to be stupid, and their opinion is considered not worthy of attention. But this will definitely pass, in this case, you just need to be patient and communicate with the child, but do not bother him. My husband, for example, was back, he has a low level of testosterone and he began to behave like a brat, but fortunately, I found an article about the testogen Docarzt. We have already ordered this drug and are waiting for it to be delivered to us.