I have been caring for 4years continually and although I can cope with the physical side ,mainly the personal side as my husband is a double leg amputee. Cleaning after the toilet and replacing trousers are my main duties, but he is now rude to my few friends and unbearable if I want to go out, also constantly questioning me about everything , I am reallstruggling mentally, as he’s worn me down, he says he won’t go any where so I can visit family but doesn’t want me to go and he doesn’t want to out and socialise either. How do you deal with this situation ?
Hi Wendy, welcome to the forum.
Can I ask how old your husband is. Did he have an accident, or diabetes? It might be worth reminding him gently that you CANNOT be forced to care for him, that if he wants you to look after him, then he too must pull his weight. If he can’t help, at least he can be civil.
When did he last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services, and you, a Carers Assessment?
You need help, regular “me” time.
My husband is 69 so not a great age, has always had a nasty streak but so much worse in last three years. My carers assessment consists of asking me to describe a typical day ,writing it down and sending me a copy ,to let them know if I need advice before next assessment. No support or offers of help or where to seek help. I have asked to talk to agencies who look after both myself and husband and this is supposed to be organised soon. Everyone says as a carer you are entitled to a break but how if husband doesn’t agree. I have now told him to be civil or I will do bare necessities and visit friends more often , he is jealous of any time i spend with family and friends . Got that off my chest.
Wendy, I think that is quite common, almost trying to make the partner guilty for being fit. However, you didn’t cause his disability, so NOTHING to feel guilty about.
How would you regard your husband’s behaviour towards you if he were fit and well? ( don’t answer publically, just think about it)
In my opinion, just because someone is either physically or mentally unwell it doesn’t give them the right to be nasty or abusive, especially to those who care for them.
Here’s a link to women’s aid that then has further links to different types of help for you
You may well find that learning how to be more assertive is enough, or is at least a start.
You do deserve regular breaks, and love and appreciation