Breaks from caring

Hi My name is Mal and I am new to the Forum. I am 70 and I care for my husband who has dementia. His condition is not too bad at the moment as he can look after himself physically. He has a very short, short term memory.
I had breast cancer and surgery 8 months ago and suffer from anxiety.
My problem is getting away for a few days at a time to be with my family who live 200 miles away in Kent. we do fun things and it is so nice to be looked after myself for a little while.
My husband has a daughter and grown up grandchilden and brothers and sister who all live locally. I have difficulty in making them understand that I need these breaks (about 3 a year.) They make me feel that I am letting my husband down and they reluctantly come round to him whilst I am away.
Is it me? Am I being unreasonable?
At the end of my tether really.

Hi & welcome Mal

No you are not unreasonable I would say to reasonable. I think reliant on family members is OK to a point but better to be independent of them. People too easily criticise when there own live is unaffected. Has there been a needs assessment done for your husband and a carers assessment for you.

Hi Mal and welcome :slight_smile:

No you are not being unreasonable - look at it this way if you collapse then who is going to look after your husband ?

When an aircraft is about to crash and the oxygen masks come down passengers are told to fit their own mask first and then to help others. The same analogy applies to Carers too - if your health is undermined then you can’e effectively care for anyone else - your own wellbeing has to come at the top of your list.

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Thanks so much for that. I was beginning to believe I was really selfish. x

No you are not selfish. My husband is 82 nearly 83 and has a very poor short term memory too. I cannot get away for breaks due to having the cats, but I am trying to get out for short periods of say 2 or 3 hours. My close friends have all said that these breaks are mandatory, as who will care for my husband if I have a breakdown or collapse? It is just not possible to care for someone else long term if you do not put YOU first - took me years to learn this.