Support, please

Hi all, have been searching for something like this forever but was scared I wouldn’t be taken seriously. I’m the only carer for my mum and have been since inwas 11, I’m 23 now. Mum over the last ten years has been diagnosed with bipolar, heart failure, type 1 diabetes, epilepsy, pancreatitis, and has a previous history with addiction along with some other illnesses I’m sure I’m forgetting. Over the last three months since she got the pancreatitis diagnosis things have just went so massively downhill that she can no longer dress herself or get to the bathroom on her own, I’m completely on my own with her and all aspects of her care are mine and mine alone to deal with and I’m constantly in a state of terror. I have no relationships, or friendships or people to talk to due to the fact I cant go willy nilly wherever I want, which I don’t see as a burden at all but I am getting to a point of anxious mess where I don’t know what to do… any advice on how I can be a more put together and less anxious carer would be so appreciated.

Hi Chloe,

welcome to the forum.

Contact social services and ask for a Needs Assessment for your Mum Needs assessment | Carers UK The result of this should be care workers coming to support your Mum with her personal care. Tell the social worker you can’t cope doing her personal care and toileting - otherwise they will just say you are meeting all her needs. This will then take the responsibility for meeting these needs off you.

Also request a Carer’s assessment, but don’t do this until the Needs assessment has been done. Carer's assessment | Carers UK

Do you manage to go out? Meet friends? Go to work?

Sorry but I need to go and check on S he is running a bath.


Stop trying to be Superwoman and start yelling HELP! You should never have been left with no help whatsoever…or did mum keep saying “my daughter will do it?”!!!
When did Social Services last do a Needs Assessment for mum and a Carers Assessment for you?

Chloe - whether you see caring for your Mum as a burden or not, it is a burden if you feel like this. The job you have been doing is an But if you are feeling like this now is the time to seek more help and achieve a better balance for yourself in your life than just caring for Mum. Which is 100% absolutely OK. At your age you deserve a life too. Doesn’t mean you don’t love and care for Mum, so don’t feel guilty about this.

Please get a needs assessment for Mum and carers assessment for you from your local council’s adult social care team. Please tell them that you can’t cope with doing all the caring anymore and need some help.

Also think about what else you would like to do aside from caring. Job? Relationships? Study? And then slowly work towards those things.

Have a look in your area if there are any young carers groups. it might really help to talk to other people in the same boat as you.

Go to your GP and tell them how you feel. See if they can help you access some counselling to deal with your feelings of anxiety.

Things CAN get better, even if things seem really rubbish now.

Sending big hugs.

No child should have her childhood taken away by caring for anyone else. You have an absolute right to a life of your own.