I am experiencing carers guilt. I stay at my partners twice a week to have a break but a family friend is making me feel guilty for leaving my mum(who I care for). I feel like I no longer have a right to my own life, like I am no longer ‘Abby’ but just the ‘carer’. Can I have some advice for not feeling like this?
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HI @abbylouise29 ,welcome to the forum. We are go though it, so you not alone. The best thing is carry on having the break and ignore this family friend, if they keep it up ask them to take over your job. I would suggest seeing your GP and see if they can send you for some counciling . You do have a right to a life despite what others think. I and many others on here have been there. If it does get to much for you, have a look and see if someone else can take over for a while, to prove that carers are humans and not slaves. best of luck.
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@abbylouise29 Welcome to the forum
Most of the people on the forum have experienced the guilt monster. You definitely have nothing to feel guilty about! Your partner is important too and you deserve a life. So kick the guilt monster away and explain to your friend that she is not being helpful by very judgemental and unkind. If this person is a true friend it should stop.
Others will be along with advice I’m certain.
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Welcome to the forum @abbylouise29 It’s incredibly hard not to feel guilty, because you want the best for your Mum but also want (and deserve) a life with your partner. It is also very hard living between two houses. I did this for 2.5 years whilst also working and dealing with my own health challenges. It is not sustainable, so please consider if you haven’t already, getting some help in. If you can give a bit more detail, others who have an excellent knowledge of ‘the system’ will be along I’m sure, to offer more practical advice.
You do deserve a life of your own and tell anybody who says otherwise, that they are very welcome to take over.
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@abbylouise29 Just to add my welcome and to say…yep. We all feel guilt we’ve no need to feel at all. You have a right to a life of your choosing, and no one has the right to judge you for having time out from caring. If they feel so strongly that your mum should not be left alone, they can always offer to cover for you. Of course, if you suggest that, you won’t see them for the dust as they run off.
You do what is right for you. Guilt will always raise it’s head, but there’s no real reason to feel guilty. There is a real reason to feel pride in doing something for your mum that no one else is doing.
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@abbylouise29 welcome to the forum, and DO NOT feel guilty. You need a break to keep your mental health. As @Michael_1910123 has said if your ‘family friend’ says anything then suggest that they help to give you a break. I think many of us have had the guilt when you take time for yourself but you will see from this forum it is essential.
Keep strong, you are doing a great job, look to an organisation called Carefree who offer nights away in hotels for a nominal fee for carers, you do not need to get CA to be eligible.
Sending hugs