Feel like I’ve wasted the last 8 years caring for my mum, only to be told “if I had a one bedroom bungalow, I wouldn’t need anyone” because I told her I felt like I was being spoken to like a child which made me feel rubbish. I’m constantly compared to my abusive, dead father also and she says she will “no longer live with him” aka me. Not quite sure what to do anymore
Hi Milly,
I thought usually you and your Mum got on and although you lived with her you were able to socialise and the hardest part of your situation was seeing her deteriorate.
It sounds like your Mum spoke to you in in a bossy way, this upset you, you told her this and she retaliated. This has left you questioning the whole caring situation?
Arguments are hard especially between carers and carees.
No advice, just sending ((( hugs)))
Mum is being unrealistic.
Mine used to tell people she could do all sorts of things that she hadn’t done for years!
When did you last take a day off from caring?
Hello, Milly. There is an old saying, “You always hurt the one you love.” This forum is full of carees ill-treating those that care for them, mostly in words rather than actions. Many parents cannot give up treating their children as young children. My mother sometimes spoke to me in a bossy manner right up to her final days. I did not let this get to me. It annoyed my wife, so I would get a telling-off from her. “Why do you let her speak to you like that?” she would say.
Your mum seems to be fantasying in her comments. I do not mean this unkindly, but I sense the early stages of dementia. People with dementia often imagine that they are living in an earlier time, and talk about deceased people as though they are still alive.
Don’t take comments like this to heart. Certainly respond if you think she is talking unreasonably - you may feel better for it - but don’t expect her to change. Do care at a suitable level; don’t overdo it.
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Hi. I am sorry you have this issue with your mum. Must be tough to feel so unappreciated. In my faith the Assemblies of Yahweh we strongly keep the Biblical Law, something which is not really upheld in Chr-stianity. The fifth commandment is that we are to Honor our parents. My mum especially is a bit of a challenge, nonetheless, I always try to treat her with respect. If she does make a belittling or negative comment about myself, then I usually reply ‘or thanks’ and smile which makes her smile too, never retaliating. Remember, those we are caring for are bound to become negative sometimes, maybe many times. I always try my best not to answer back. All my life I have tried to honor my parents and treat them with respect because they won’t always be around. They took care of us when we couldn’t. Yahweh’s Law is a very good Law. I have no regrets trying to keep His commandments.
Nonetheless 8 years is a long time to be caring for your mum. I’ve been working on assisting someone for 15 years (other than my sister) and I have never or hardly at all received any recognition for the work that I have done. But remember Yahweh is real and watching and your work will be rewarded.
You are doing an honourable work and if ever you feel like you are not appreciated, come and post and we will try to encourage you as best we can. Keep up the good work! And may Yahweh bless you.