Struggling to juggle everything - new here

Hi, I’m new here, I joined a while ago but didn’t find time to log on. I’m in my 50’s and I work full time and have my own family and find myself as the only family member helping my wheelchair-bound mother who lives alone with dementia, pulmonary fibrosis, diabetes, COPD and chronic kidney disease. I am really struggling to juggle everything. How do people do it? Mum has four 30 minute care calls per day but we keep finding her on the floor as she’s fallen, delirious as she forgets to wear her oxygen and social services are passing us from pillar to post claiming she should be eligible for NHS funding. We had that assessment and she’s not but they want to try again. I’m beating my head against a brick wall and my mother is refusing help as she’s got no insight into her problems due to the dementia. At the weekend Apello Careline called 999 as she was unable to speak to them due to a breathing crisis but when the ambulance eventually arrived she sent them away again. How do people cope? I’ve been doing it for 2 years and I’m ashamed to say that most of the time I’m just really angry about it all resting on my shoulders.

Hi Janette … welcome to an extremely quiet forum.

Odds are that the pressure to care more will soon be overwhelming UNLESS you take action now ?

Firstly , three links which will be of immediate assistance :

HOME CARE SERVICES … what’s available out there , and who provides them :

NEEDS and CARER assessments … available through your LA :
The Care Needs Assessment Explained | Age UK

Carer's assessment | Carers UK

Benefits / housing / wills / power of attorney … all sorted ?

On the CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare front , main thread … and 2 particular sections :



Others will be along to extend their welcomes , and add their insights.

Hi Janette, it’s an awful situation. I know the angry feeling too, for me it was borne out of utter exhaustion.
I’m afraid your situation is like sitting on a volcano just waiting for it to erupt. Something is going to happen very soon when the decision about where mum lives is going to be taken out of her hands, probably when she falls and breaks something.

Social Services must help until such time as she gets Continuing Healthcare. Do you think she is now becoming a danger to herself and/or others?
Has the doctor involved the Community Mental Health Team, or is the GP just trying not to get involved?
Have they arranged a falls alarm for her?
Who is picking her up when she keeps falling?
Do NOT put your own health at risk doing this, it is the responsibility of the Ambulance service, who can then check her over and make sure she hasn’t broken anything.