Stressed for the future

Hi all,

So I have 2 brothers, both of whom are disabled in different ways. My younger brother is severely sight impaired and has complicated medical issues and my older brother was very recently diagnosed with Asperger’s and suffers from pretty severe anxiety.

I’m a full-time university student and next year my younger brother is moving in with me so he can also attend the same university, making me his full-time carer, which thus far has been my mother’s main role with myself only caring for him part-time. I’m worried about the responsibilities of taking on this full-time care role and balancing this with my studies as I will be going into my final year of study. My brother moving in with me is the only realistic way of him being able to attend university and I don’t want to deprive him of that opportunity but I’m also worried about the added strain it will put on me having to look after the both of us.

As for my older brother, he does not get on with my parents and I’m concerned about what would happen if he also ended up having to move in with me. He cannot support himself and my parents struggle to understand his autism and are increasingly growing impatient with him due to their lack of understanding.
I love both of my brothers and want what’s best for them but I also don’t want to have to give up my own future for the sake of theirs.

I don’t really know what I’m asking for here as I know other people have it much more difficult than I do, I guess I just want some encouragement that it will all be okay. ¯_(ツ)_/¯


I don’t think this is fair on you, it’s going to affect your grades!. If he is bright enough to attend university, then he needs to find out what sort of support they can offer. What is going to happen after you have graduated? How will he manage then? Going forward, where will he live etcetc.

Hi sc00bysnaxx,

the university need to be aware of your brother’s sight problems as they will need to adapt the materials he uses. He needs to contact them and explain the level of support he requires e.g. help to learn the route to Uni, find his way around campus, access materials in the format he requires etc There is funding available for the support he needs.

If he needs help with every day tasks, then he should apply for a Needs Assessment, well ahead of starting Uni so that care can be in place to assist him.

The RNIB provide information here Starting university | RNIB

With of all this in place, he should not need to rely on you that much.


Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate and you are doing everything you can for your brothers.

With respect to you being your brothers full-time carer as per the previous message you should get a care assessment for him and ensure he (and you) get support. You ill also need to have breaks and holidays so you should look into who can look after him in your absence. You should speak to the local care team and university about this.

Lastly, it is always good to recruit family members in wherever possible and esnure they are supporting you and him.