Boyfriend cares for me, how can he be supported?

Hello Everyone!

I hope this posts like these are allowed!!

I’m a 19 yo university student who is moderately ill with ME/CFS. This is a neological condition that limits how much I can do, I don’t leave the house often and can’t live a normal student lifestyle. I’m worried about how this is affecting my boyfriend who lives with me and cares for me about 9ish hours a week. He helps me cook, gets me up, and sometimes helps with washing when I’m in a crash. He doesn’t help me around the clock but I’m worried about how a caring responsibility is effecting him and preventing him from living a normal student lifestyle. He doesn’t see his friends as often and is very reluctant to leave me on my own with our other housemates even though I’ve said this is ok!!

What type of support would he be able to access? Would he be able to attend like a young carers group even though we’re 19 and he doesn’t care for me for a lot of hours a week? Do the university have any responsibility to help support him caring for me?

I’ve asked him about university counselling but he doesn’t want to “take away slots from someone that might need it more”
I don’t know much abut the help carers can get and I want to help him through this because I don’t want him to look back on this time at university and think he couldn’t do what everyone else is doing.

Thanks everyone !!All the best

Hi R/VC,

(I think you changed your username as I was typing my reply.)

How long have you been going out?

Your boyfriend can let Uni know he is a carer and the Uni should have policies re carer. Likewise you can let Uni know about your condition if you haven’t already. You could have a Needs assessment and then gave a paid carer to help you get up each morning instead of relying on him, however 9 hours a week doesn’t sound too onerous.

Do his friends come over to visit?



Sorry about the confusion I changed my username because I didn’t want my real name on here to be identified

We’ve been close friends since the start of university and then we’ve been dating since September when our friendship group moved in together :slight_smile:
I’ve let the uni know about my disability but I’m still sorting out medical evidence to get on the DSA system, thank you for letting me know universities have carers policies too I think that this would really help him if he could get some support.

I know 9 hours a week isn’t very much but I’m more worried about the stain a caring responsibility could have on him. because its not a big caring responsibility I wasn’t sure if me or him could get any help.

He doesn’t invite his friends around, but when me or someone else invites our friends round he hangs out with us normally. He had one friend around last week and was really happy afterwards and I don’t get why he doesn’t do it more often? I don’t know if its a confidence thing or a shame thing, his friends message him alot and would definitely be keen to come and visit. I think him talking to other people who care for someone might help him with this?

Thank you for your reply

Hi VC,

Good idea to have a non-identifying username.

Uni’s often have a Parent and/or Carers society. Your student’s union should have a list of societies.

It’s good you are looking out for him, it sounds as your relationship is mutually beneficial. Perhaps encourage him to invite his friend’s around more.