Strange situation- advice needed

Hi all, i would be grateful for any adivce you are able to provide.
My elderly aunt and uncle both in their 80’s and have no children. My aunt has over the last 5 yrs has been in ‘decline’ , but with no diagnosis. She essentially sits in the chair all day. She uses a commode etc, although can walk given encouragement. My uncle is her sole carer. They have been offered social serivces support, but becuase they have to pay for it my uncle ‘refuses’. Any care that has been arranged he send them away and says they are fine.
He then has ‘sole’ charge of all my aunts life choices. She recently was admitted to hospital after several falls, only to be discharged back home under the same circumstances.
My uncle gets full carer’s allowance
My family have tried to ‘investigate’ what is going on but meet with a brick wall from him and hospital staff.
She would have had the opportunity to speak out while in hospital, but as far as we know didn’t. He has total control over all finances, who he lets in the house, so to speak out against where she would be going back to would probably be in her mind unwise.
I am at a loss at what to do, i feel it is neglect, but don’t want to ‘wreck’ the limited access we have. If i called a social worker, that would really be it as far as access is concerned.
So how do i approach this.

Hi Ginny,
Welcome to the forum. Certainly a difficult situation.
It’s a real shame that the hospital didn’t realise what was going on. Do you know why she keeps falling?
It sounds like your uncle is either just burying his head in the sand, but might be developing some signs of dementia, which would not be unusual given his age.

At his age, he will NOT be getting Carers Allowance, as he is over 65, and you can’t claim pension and CA.

Have you spoken to the GP practice? Some doctors get round this doing an unannounced house call, saying that they like to keep an eye on their most senior patients.
Otherwise, the only other thing I can think of is writing to the GP expressing your concerns.

I would visit the GP and say you are expressing ‘safeguarding’ concerns for your aunt - as in, is your uncle capable of looking after her adequately.

‘Safeguarding’ is one of these ‘alarm words’ that the authorities HAVE to respond to. It should signal to the GP that he needs to trigger that alarm, and make checks and so on, and basically put your aunt on the ‘state radar’ for being concerned about her wellbeing.

I would also, whatever the GP says, also WRITE to him, repeating your concerns, using that term ‘safeguarding’ and then it is in writing. In the letter ask what steps have to be taken next, by him, or you, or by social workers, etc, to ensure that your aunt has the correct level of care.

At the very least, this will have (a) alerted the authorities to your worries and (b) made THEM responsible for taking further action.

You don’t have to be ‘heavy’ in your ‘confrontation’…just ‘concerned and worried’.

Don’t tell your uncle you’ve done that, and tell the GP you don’t want him/her to tell your uncle either, as you are worried it will trigger your uncle to stop the access visits that you are currently able to make. Let any action come from the GP, not you.