Son leaving home

Hi. I’m hoping I can get some advice or just an understanding ear . My son is 19 severely autistic non verbal has very limited understanding . I’m a single mum and have 2 younger sons 15 and 12 . I’m seriously considering looking for a full time placement for him . He attacked me a few days ago and his behaviour has become harder to manage. As much as I dont want to do it I may have to as my own mental health is suffering . Now this is probably going to sound awful and I hope no one judges me but I’ve not worked for 18 yrs and just been a carer to my son so I’ve had to rely on benefits and if it wasn’t for the extra top up my son gets I would struggle so not only am I dealing with the guilt of looking for full time care for my son im so stressed over the change it will also make financially. I know universal credit will expect me to start looking for work straight away . I’m just so overwhelmed :sleepy: and no one understands

I understand completely, many of my friends have been caught in the same trap.
What sort of work would you like to do in future?

Dear Sarah

It sounds like you’re experiencing a really difficult time, I would suggest, and you are probably already aware of this organisation, but it might be worth contacting NAS, here is the link to their website they may be able to help you.

Also, I’m not sure if you are aware but we are currently running a series of online weekly meet ups for carers to get together and chat informally. People say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here: … ne-meetups

We are also now running a weekly Share and Learn sessions, where we run a series of fun and relaxed online sessions where visiting speakers who share tips and skills on a range of topics - please have a look at the link and see if one grabs your attention. … e-sessions

Do join if you’d like to, we’ve had a lot of new carers join the sessions recently and it’s a great way to meet other carers.

with kind regards

Sarah, is your son going to school or college at the moment?
Have Education or Social Services talked to you about residential colleges?
Have you spoken to your GP? A young man of that age can be very strong.

No hes just in a day center now he doesnt have the learning capacity for any more education , he goes mon-fri and we do have 28 days of respite, he did get nearly 60 days respite when he was in child services but they just wont give him any more than 28 , so although 90% of the time he is pretty chilled that 10% is so random with no real triggers and i end up scratched up and bloody as like you said he has no idea of his strength hes just lashing out, in my gut i feel hes ready to be moved out i just have no clue how im going to deal with it all :astonished:

i have no idea, i have no training in anything and its been so long ive worked