Someone Hopefully will be able to help?

hyy,I am currently caring for my 19 year old son who I love so much. I am totally out of my depth. He has mental health issues and is literally living 24 hours a day in a darkened room reading animated comics on the internet (they seem to be ok and nothing nasty). He sleeps, eats and lives on the sofa in his room, barely ever changing his clothes or having a shower. He often smells which is no surprise. He is utterly miserable. There is no conflict between us but he refuses to talk to me, even answer me even to a inane question. He has however told the physiotherapist yesterday he does not want to carry on seeing him. I do not know why or what is going on as he is 19 no one will talk to me about anything, I am expected to care for him but I do not know what the situation is. I have neither the skills or the knowledge to deal with this. I am just a few months of 60 and this is affecting my mental health so much so that I have carried out a form of self harmed myself as I was so overwhelmed and totally alone. I do not know what to do. all I am getting is no one can tell me as he has specified he does not want me to know anything so their hands are tied. How can I help my son and how I am going to cope when he has stopped seeing the physiotherapist. This was the only time he comes of his room into the fresh air. I am desperately looking for support and help and suggestions for my situation especially ideas on how to manage his behaviour and try and connect with him and also ideas on going forward as I seem to be expected to just carry on like this indefinitely.thx

Hi Dalton,

This is more common than you think. Leaving the routine and expectations of school and too much free time can trigger mental health problems, anxiety etc. Hopefully others will belong to share survival tips with you.

Did you mean a physiotherapist or did word prediction change the word you typed? If you did mean physiotherapist - can you tell us why?

You might find this website helpful Parents Mental Health Support | Advice for Your Child | YoungMinds


Hello Dalton

Firstly welcome to our forum, I’m sorry to hear you are currently dealing with a very difficult situation. I’m glad you’ve found our forum as this will give you a chance to speak to other carers, many of whom are also struggling at the moment for all sorts of different reasons.

I also wanted to let you know we are currently running a series of online weekly meet ups for carers to get together and chat informally. People say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here: … ne-meetups

We are also now running a weekly Share and Learn sessions, where we run a series of fun and relaxed online sessions where visiting speakers who share tips and skills on a range of topics - please have a look at the link and see if one grabs your attention. … e-sessions

Do join if you’d like to, we’ve had a lot of new carers join the sessions recently and it’s a great way to meet other carers.
There is also Carers UK’s helpline should you need advice or support - Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email (

with best wishes

What a difficult situation.
What is he having physiotherapy for?
Surely the longer this goes on for the more difficult it’s going to be to end it.

Hi @Dalton_2109

That’s a really difficult situation you’re coping with, I’m not surprised it’s affecting your mental health as well.

Not sure if you meant physiotherapist or psychotherapist (psychologist?) but if your son isn’t already known to your local mental health team, you can raise it with his GP or contact them yourself and ask how you can get him some support. With him being 19 though, legally he is an adult and unless he is at risk to himself or others, there is no obligation either for CMHT to take him on, or for him to engage with them.

So maybe we need to focus on supporting you? Because you are the one looking after your son and having your own difficulties in the process. The above regarding mental health team applies equally to you, you can ask your GP for a referral. Or IAPT (improving access to psychological therapies) might be available in your area, again ask your GP, although you can self-refer to them I believe. The downside to all this however, is the ever-increasing waiting lists for all things mental health. If you can afford it, it would be quicker to go private. Just make sure you choose someone who is registered either with the BACP or UKCP.

There are quite a few support organisations for support with self-harm (just google them) and MIND is also another good source of information and support.

I hope you are able to find something that helps.

Kind thoughts, E