Sister with MH issues


I did a post on the old Carers Forum but it never carried through on here.

I have an older sister (think she is about 48) with some kind of health issues. Can someone who is 48 be admitted into something like an old people’s home or something similar? Is there a protocol that needs to be followed or can people self refer too?

I cannot look after her anymore. I ended up with Covid about 1.5 years ago and am now in the throes of Long Covid which has more or less usurped my life. It’s hard enough caring for Mum and I cannot do with the burden of someone else to care for.

Sister has never been diagnosed with anything by the GP’s although I believe she is on the spectrum. I do believe there may be some LD’s as well but I think half the time, it’s just an act because it’s the easy way to get everything done for her by someone else.

Best wishes,


Hi OtV,

I’m sorry you can’t access your old thread about your sister - it comes up in searches - but the link doesn’t work for me either.

Good to hear from you, though sorry to learn that Long Covid is still making life even more difficult.

I’m assuming she would need this funding by social care? What benefits does she claim? She would need a Needs assessment by social care who would assess what she needs help with and you and your Mum would need to say you are no longer able to meet those needs. Social care would decide the (most cost effective way) to meet her needs. I suspect they would push for her to have care visits.

Although I suspect your sister is not at severely disabled as the people this website is aimed at, the information regarding care and housing is relevant:

@Melly1 thanks for replying.

That’s the thing. No one’s ever found anything wrong with her. She goes to the GP and they have said she is fine.

There is an LD or something of that sort but I also think there is a lot of laziness and CBA about her. She will NOT help with any housework at all. She’s never cooked a thing in her life, she won’t clean, basically nothing. Mum’s hips and knees hurt a lot so we have to put heat patches on them. When it’s the waist ones, it’s a bit awkward being her son. She’s asked my sister to help but just flat our refuses.

I don’t talk to her. I resent her, I also resent all the other siblings for making me their scapegoat but this is not about me.

Mum’s given up on her and won’t waste her energy telling her to do anything because she knows she won’t. I really don’t blame her.

I’ve no idea where she has got all this attitude from but she often shouts at me and has started being really nasty to Mum too. She calls me a fat useless pig which is quite funny. I cook for her, I clean for her and this is the attitude I get. Hahaha.

She’s well and truly buggered when Mum dies because I won’t even look at her and I can guarantee none of the other siblings will.

Your situation sounds very hard.
I am trying to think how to find a way forward.
I think it could be worth contacting adult social care,
In our area you call the council and ask for that department.
I have called for advice as a carer who is struggling to cope and it helped to start an assessment process.
Take as much care of you as you can
Warm wishes Ula

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Hi Ula, what exactly would we say though? She acts chaotic and crazy but no GP or medical practitioner has found anything wrong with her.

Until a few weeks ago, she swore blind she had sciatica. If Mum was in the same room, she was walking like she was a cripple but as soon as Mum was not there, she was racing around. Then she had back problems, had an MRI and it came out with nothing found. Now apparently the nurse has told her she has got a lump somewhere. I’m unsure if she makes it up or not.

I don’t know if it’s attention seeking or if there is something wrong with her. She constantly talks too. It’s just random rubbish that comes out.

She won’t cook. She won’t clean. She won’t help with Mum - when Mum had the continence issues, she would not help with the wiping or any of the cleaning - she said it was disgusting.

Is this normal for an almost 50 year old or might there something genuinely be wrong with her? She is able to do most things on her own, like she will go to town in a taxi a few times a week, she will go to the shops and go for gossips with friends. I don’t know if it’s Mum’s “fault” for doing everything without asking her for help back in the day. Maybe that’s given her a false sense of security?

I don’t know how much longer I can go on her with carrying on. It’s getting a bit much for me. I struggle as it is trying to help out with Mum.

Sorry for late replying.
I am always behind.
You are good at expressing how difficult things are so just say it, describe how you find things but describe the worst times and the hardest days.
You seem to be describing her as someone who is most of the time in their own world.
Warmly Ula

[quote=“ontheverge, post:5, topic:123369”]
as it is trying to help out with Mum.

OK. If I could have it my way, Mum would throw her out or get her sectioned - although I don’t think there is anything to section her for. It’s just a game she plays.

She will doll and go to town at least 3 to 4 times a week but ask her to help at home and it’s oh my sciatica, I can’t sleep, I might have cancer / any other excuse.

I can just about cope with looking after Mum. I cannot deal with her as well. In fact, I cannot sit in the same room as her. She just drives me bananas.