Should I put off my Mum’s vaccine?

I’m 55 and live with my mum who is 88 with a heart condition and mobility issues, for whom I care. We’ve been isolating since early March. I’m not sure about the new vaccine, not because I think there’s anything wrong with it, I’m really pleased it’s here, just that if my mum gets the call to get it now, she should be protected by end of January beginning of February and I won’t get a vaccine for many months after that. At the moment the effectiveness of the vaccine has only been stated as 3/4 months, this means that once I am finally inoculated and hopefully protected, my mum might start to become less protected.
Should I delay my Mum’s vaccine so we have it closer together? It doesn’t matter to us if she’s protected now as we can’t leave the house until we are both covered. Is it even possible to delay her vaccine to a later date?
Any suggestions or information would be really welcome.

When your Mother gets contacted as her carer. I would inform the hospital and make a request you have yours at the same time. It’s always worth a try. I think things will charge but it’s the wrong time just now. Christmas etc.

I think it’s a personal choice I not sure how to advise. I would think you could delay. I’m sure there are many reason people may delay. I know a few who have had their first injection and all OK. The Oxford vaccine should be following soon. I have a preference as it’s one injection.

There isn’t much information on if one doesn’t take it up. As there is a focus on as many having it as possible.

How would you feel if you delayed, mum got the virus and died? It’s not your choice to make. If she is offered it, she should have it. If it only lasts a certain time, boosters will be offered.


At the moment the effectiveness of the vaccine has only been stated as 3/4 months

they are saying that because at the moment they just don’t know. When I had my hip done - 23 years ago, they said it would only last up to 5 years - because that type of hip was relatively new and studies didn’t go further back. At the moment, its the same for the vaccination.


About one thing I have little doubt. Once this vaccine has been rolled out in significant numbers, infection rates will fall dramatically and we should be able to relax considerably the current restrictions. Even if the vaccine has limited life it is worth it. Let’s go for it!

My mum is not likely to get the virus as she is housebound, the only time she’ll go out is going to the hospital to get the vaccine (this will have to be in a taxi as I don’t drive). I am not being a vaccine denier, I can’t wait until we’ve all had it. I suppose I was trying to get some support for carers being given the vaccine at the same time as the people they care for, as with the flu jab. It seems completely ridiculous not to as we will not be able to come out of isolation until this is the case.

“How would you feel if you delayed, mum got the virus and died? It’s not your choice to make. If she is offered it, she should have it. If it only lasts a certain time, boosters will be offered.”

Sorry but the tone of the above reply to my original post has really upset me.
I thought this was a forum for carers to help and support each other.
I’ve been inside my house with my mum since March 11th. She’s been out once to the hospital, with me, to get her annual pacemaker check. I’ve been out three times other than that to get my flu jab and two physio appointments for a damaged shoulder. We have had the nurse in three times to take her blood twice and to give her the flu jab. We’ve had no assistance, no one has helped or offered help. I had to give up my two weeks ‘annual holiday’ in June and lost money. I have struggled every two months to get her medication delivered correctly.
My mum worries about me and can get into a pattern of asking if I’m okay repetitively over a period of time, so I have to say that I’m fine and happy and everything is okay otherwise she would become upset.
I joined this to get some help and understanding from people in similar circumstances as things are coming to a head for me, it seems I looked in the wrong place.
There is absolutely no chance I would make any decision for my mum, who has limited capacity, that would harm her in anyway.
Is this an organisation of help and support or not?

Thanks for making me feel worse. I didn’t think it was possible.

Unless the named poster identifies as being part of Carers UK, (where their name appears to the left of a post) then we are all private individuals posting our opinions.

Collectively, there is a vast wealth of experience on tap here which is freely dispensed: bowlingbun in particular has as much knowledge as anyone having been through many phases of caring for family members of all ages.

There’s no compulsion to act on any advice, the choice is yours.

Personally, I think you’re complicating things by trying to second guess when you might be vaccinated.

In the end, you must do what you think is right for your Mum, no-one here will condemn you for whatever decision you reach, you’re under no obligation to even inform us of that decision.

Hi Vanessa. I would just like to say that you are doing a brilliant job. It must be incredibly difficult staying in all the time. I have not been as good as you - I have been out food shopping and had to use buses as I can no longer drive. I am 58 and my mum is 90 - I know how difficult things are right now. My mum is housebound due to advanced osteoarthritis in her hip.
As for the vaccine, well my mum hasn’t been offered it yet. Recently the Coronavirus has ‘mutated’ slightly. My concern is supposing it ‘mutates’ again - will the present vaccination still be effective?

I’m sorry if my post upset anyone, that was never my intention.
I was trying to clarify things as quickly and easily as possible, with a busy day ahead.
I am absolutely on the side of carers.
I’ve been a carer for almost all my life in various ways, with 10 carees in total, during that time.
At one stage I had five relatives all entitled to highest DLA care at the same time.
I have campaigned in various ways on behalf of carers for many years. Unpaid carers need more help, more respect, and more money for the work they do. Currently, their status is little more than slave in my view, no rights to anything!
My husband DIED of a massive heart attack shortly after his dad, I’ll always believe that was due to the stress of caring.
I developed a life threatening illness that required major surgery, with life long after effects. My consultant told me “25 years without a holiday didn’t do me any favours”, and then told me not to care ever again. I still had my brain damaged son, and a housebound disabled mum.
I had counselling to help me, on the verge of a breakdown, which was really helpful.
Counselling helped me set priorities.
Son came first, then mum, because my son couldn’t speak up for himself, mum could.

I come from a family of problem solvers, working out what is important, what isn’t.
WHO is responsible for what, and most importantly, how to fix it.
At the age of 68, I know that

  1. I cannot change others, but I can change how I respond to things.
  2. I cannot control my carees, they need to make their own choices.
  3. I am responsible for my own happiness.
  4. I am very conscientious. I want to be able to live with myself, to sleep at night. So I try to identify and consider all the options, so that if anything subsequently goes wrong, I know I did my very best in the circumstances.

Very often people don’t give all the information about their situation when asking a question!

Okay, I’m sorry I reacted strongly to a post one here, for some reason it felt like I was being told off.
I’m not usually a joiner of things and I suppose I joined this as I was feeling a little lost and unsure of things but I think it’s probably best I try to sort things out in the way I usually do, and rely on myself.
Thank you

Hello, Vanessa. You asked for advice and others gave it. I imagine most of those that responded considered how they would act if they were in your position. In the end it is up to your judgement after considering our guidance. Nobody here is going to admonish you in any way.

When you and Mum consider this, you may like to take this point into consideration. You are clearly isolating very thoroughly and responsibly. However this does not reduce the chance of infection to zero. I presume you have deliveries of groceries, post, etc., and as you say the nurse sometimes visits. You have taken the occasion trip to the hospital. This is a time when you are at increased risk.

There is no compulsion to take the vaccine. Every time some declines the vaccine, someone else gets it sooner than they would otherwise.

Talk it over with Mum; use your judgement and trust it.

I recommend you visit this forum occasionally, even if you have no wish to contribute again. There is a wealth of useful guidance here from many people in a position similar to yours.

Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.

My 92 year old mum has point blank refused the vaccine.

If she has mental capacity, then that is her decision, but she must live with the consequences. However, this is where being a carer is so difficult, because if she gets it, then it’s the carer who also has to live with the consequences!

My Mum really wants it. She’s barely been out since March and her mobility has suffered as a result. She is really looking forward to going to church etc and not having to worry about catching Covid. She is 83.


I really want it, and there was something on a Facebook site over the holiday that said that people with learning difficulties were being moved higher up the list, but I haven’t seen that officially yet. People with LD are SIX times more likely to die if they get covid.

I think that’s because people with LD don’t understand social distancing very well or all the very complex rules.

My daughter with LD has had letters about covid and also flu jabs. She says she is not having either but I want her to. I keep mentioning it but she is having none of it. I have to constantly remind her when we are out not to get near people.

She is as healthy as an elephant and has hardly seen a doctor in her whole life. She is fit and healthy and eats a balanced diet and takes plenty of exercise. My son says he can’t see why she should be any more at risk than any of us.

I will be having the covid jab though.

S is needle phobic. He jumped having a vaccination at school and the needle broke off in his arm. They had to remove the needle and redo it. His arm swelled up and was very sore.


M always has his flu jab, no problem with needles.
However, he is getting really upset by the news on TV about the virus, we don’t have the news on now when he’s at home.
I think he’s better than me with remembering his mask etc., but he mixes with a lot of people with Down’s Syndrome, who are especially high risk, and always hugs me when he comes home.
Actually, I’m higher risk for health reasons than he is, most at risk in the whole family. So if he has the needle, it helps protect me too. But that’s the case for the whole of society.
The Isle of Wight was low risk, then a lot of people decided to go there from Portsmouth, a high risk area, so they could have a drink and party. Now the Island is experiencing a huge increase. No surprise there then. Just shows how selfish some people can be.