Shared trauma of the person your caring for

Mother, who is now 81 and been travelling 3 times a week to stay alive, because of renal failure, it will be 7 years this August, struggled down stairs this morning and said, another one of her travelling companions, who becomes friends with, died yesterday, that’s 8 since Christmas on our shift, as she describes it ! Its, just the way it is, there’s nothing you can, do about it, in the next breath, she said 2or 3 other people have took there place, as if it was a conveyor belt to the afterlife, how much longer, I have got her for, only God knows, I have posted on here before about mental health, how can any human being, go through experiences like these and not be effected, I know I’m not in a good place, and there certainly aren’t no systems in place to help people, cope with it,?

I was very ill and nearly died, twice, in my fifties, and found my husband dead in bed.
I’ve come to terms with my own mortality.
Until then I acted as if I’d live forever, and there was loads of time.
Now I try to enjoy every single day I have left on earth. I’m not bothered by owning “things”, I’m not interested in competing with anyone. My sons and grandson are the only people I really care about, after I realised no one else really cared for me.

I gave up doing lots of things for other people to make their lives better, at my own expense. No more volunteering unless it would be a better life for me and the boys. I’m on the forum as others help me, so I help them.

I would suggest that you google “Signs of Dying” which explains how the body shuts down gradually. It will help you.
Having had 8 operations, I know that you know what is going on until the anaesthetic kicks in. Then you don’t know anything until you wake up again. I’m sure death is like going unconscious, without the waking up afterwards, unless you are religious.

I have told my sons that I want them to remember their mad crazy mum and the fun we’ve had together, I’ve had a really unconventional life. Hopefully, they will be proud of their mum.

I like your direct and straight to point, reply, you are obviously a very strong person, I guess, we all have to paddle our own canoue, but I like to think of carers UK, as a big floating boat, not the Titanic,?

You sound overwhelmed, it sounds like you are grieving. This is normal and healthy, with what your are confronted by. It doesn’t help that our society is in denial about death and its like you’re expected to just bottle them up. So i hope writing it down helped. Perhaps though if you are constantly in despair you need to seek support from the Dr for your mental health, ask for a break etc. Who can you talk to about your feelings? I’m quite concerned from your tone about your state of mind right now so please don’t fixate on the awfulness but instead some help NOW. Do not be a martyr.