Shared room in care/nursing home

My wife and myself have been looking after my stroke affected mother for three years. We have had regular respite from two care homes but they have both withdrawn their services because she needs two carers to hoist and look after her. Homes that are used to hoisting will only take a person on if we commit to full time care. My wife who will shortly be 70 would like to continue but with longer breaks ie 3 weeks on; 3 weeks off. We therefore are looking for the impossible, Someone who is in a similar position living in the Darlington Bedale area. Homes have said they will agree to this, if we can find a pairing. Any person interested please reply here or contact me by pm.

edited by Moderator to remove email address for safety reasons

Hi John,

I’m afraid that you are unlikely to find what you would like, it’s not an ideal world.

CARE homes do not have to have nursing staff on duty, are really aimed at people who can walk or hobble.
Nursing homes are what you should be looking at.
Regulations forbid shared rooms unless for a couple or friends.

I would suggest that it’s time for mum to have a permanent room in a nursing home near you, so that staff do all the hoisting etc. and you can visit mum, bring her home for the day etc.

What is mum’s financial situation? Does she have over £23,000 in savings? Own a property?

It is not for the room to be shared at the same time but for a room to be used on turn and turn about, my mother for three weeks, then she will come to myself for three weeks ans the other person will go into respite, in the care home. Only one person in the care home at a time but respite assured and room retained.

I’m not sure a business would except this…
Unfortunately, care is a business and rooms have to always be in use.
You would not be able to determine in the future each persons health. Ending up in hospital while occupying the room etc.
Health needs change to quickly.

Honestly, I think your chances of arranging that are zero.

There is a huge demand for nursing home places, it’s easier for the home (which is, after all a business) to have long term residents.

I will assume that CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare has been considered here ?

Home care services in general :

I totally see your logic, John, but there are a lot of ifs to this arrangement.


There may be other options you haven’t considered, that ARE possible. Tell us more about mum.
Age? Nature of her disability - does she have any signs of dementia?
Over £23,000 in savings?
Reciving Attendance Allowance?
Date of last Social Services Needs Assessment?

I have asked and a few homes have said they would consider it, if I can find a pairing that they consider acceptable.

She is 90, paralysed down the left side from a stroke but otherwise as bright as a button, she is registered blind from the stroke. Is self funding as she has a house which was her home and is now let out. She is receiving attendance allowance but no other benefits.

CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare … dismissed ?

What will happen to her house once she has died? Are you responsible for this in any way?
My own mum became so poorly that a nursing home became the only option. I worked out how long it would take for her money to run out if we sold the house, and it was very unlikely that her money would run out before she died.
For me, disabled with a son with LD, it was an enormous relief when the house was sold, one less place to look after.

Think carefully about who will benefit most from

Keeping the house
Selling the house.