Hi all, just wondered if anyone has had a similar situations and could share any advice.
I am a carer for a 92 yr old but we don’t live together, she is in an ‘extra care’ flat and I am in a studio flat on my own. Her dementia has got much worse recently and I feel she needs to either be in a home or be with me full time. I currently spend about 7 hours with her during the day 7 days a week and sometimes go up for a few hours in the evening until she is ready for bed if she calls up in distress. She does have carers going in for 20 mins in the morning and evening but this is to get her dressed, give meds etc, just the basics, but she needs someone there the rest of the time too, she really can’t cope on her own, there used to be a couple of activities going on during the afternoons but since Covid these have all stopped and now I think she’s got so bad that she wouldn’t be capable of joining in anyway. I feel like I want to take her in and if I had a spare room I think I would’ve had her living with me as soon as the pandemic took hold, the problem is that neither of us has a spare room as we are both in studios where only one person is allowed to live so in order for us to live together we would have to find a new property to rent. I am sure we could register for a property with the local housing associations to become one household and maybe look at getting a 2 bed property but I am concerned (perhaps I am being selfish) that should anything happen to her, which given her age would not be a shock, I would then be told to move out as I wouldn’t need 2 bedrooms, but I have a really good deal with the studio that I am in where I pay less than £400 a month, if I gave it up there is no chance of me being able to afford to move back to a flat of my own and I would be forced to move into a house share which I would really hate. I’ve never really known much about how housing associations work but friends have told me that they wouldn’t let a single person keep a 2 bed to themselves. The other option I consider is a home but I have no experience of these either, I spoke to a professional carer who said to keep her in her flat as long as possible rather than putting her in a home, and I really would feel terrible if she went into one but actually I think she may like the idea of living with other people more than living with just me even though I feel I would look after her better than anyone else, but I worry that she will still feel confused and distressed when she is in her bedroom alone, she would never think of pulling a cord or pendant to get help she would just sit there upset and confused. The only local home I know of where I know someone who has lived there is a very nice new one but I think it’s rather high end and costs £1200 a week, the same carer I spoke to said the council might only pay about £600 a week towards the care so that would be a non starter as I wouldn’t be able to top it up. I’d love to know if anyone had experience of someone going into a home and roughly what the council do actually pay towards it for someone with dementia. I’m getting upset just thinking about her going into care because I want to look after her myself but I feel we are at a point where something needs to change but I just don’t know which way to go. Any replies very welcome