I’m dismayed that I come over as “hard as nails”!
I try to warn others of the many pitfalls I’ve fallen into, especially trying to be a good daughter and doing what my parents wanted me to do, at the expense of my own life.
After I was diagnosed with a larger cancerous tumour on my right kidney, and needed urgent life saving surgery, and still might not live for more than a year, I wrote to Social Services and mum’s GP and said that my consultant had said that I must NEVER EVER care for anyone ever again.
Even that didn’t stop them badgering me to look after mum. Only hours out of hospital, with a 12" wound, not yet a scar, I was summoned to mum’s to sort out her front door. The GP told me I had to care for mum over Christmas despite the fact that I couldn’t even look after myself, my husband had to take time off AND our son with severe learning difficulties.
The GP told me to contact Social Services, they told me that they weren’t taking on any new referrals until the New Year!
Clearly my own life and my own health just didn’t matter to any of them. I was merely a way of solving mum’s problem.
Partly to humour me, the GP then sent mum for an x ray, which revealed that mum was in so much pain because
SHE HAD A BROKEN LEG!
Now I know that if I don’t stand up for myself, no one else will, in fact I’ll just get used and abused until I die.
In total, I’ve had TEN carees, now I just have my son with learning difficulties part time to care for directly.
My advice is given to encourage everyone to stick up for themselves, because you are the only one that will. Don’t ever think that your wellbeing is being considered by anyone, don’t wait for anyone to accept carers or residential care willingly, because the sad truth is that they won’t.
Long before I had a disabled child, I worked in various capacities helping others, that’s my nature.
Don’t think of me as “hard as nails”, just think of me as sticking up for the “under dog”, because surely that’s what we carers are?