I’m 27 and have just become my mum’s carer after having to remove my stepfather as her carer and from the house completely. He was a verbally abusive and neglectful alcoholic who wasn’t caring for my mum properly. Since stepping in, I can’t cope. The house is a hoarding issue. It’s full of things and is dirty. I’ve managed to clear and redecorate my mum’s room with help from neighbours but the rest of the house is getting on top of me. There are two rooms I can’t even step foot in.
I need to gather the rest of my stepfather’s belongings but I don’t have the energy. I’m not sleeping well (getting 3-5 hours a night) and I’m just depressed. The house is in a remote village with no public transport and I don’t drive. My mum is extremely difficult to get on with as she lies, never opens up and invalidates my feelings about almost everything. I’ve been trying to get support from my care assessment person and mum’s social worker but I’m just banging my head against a brick wall. I love my mum but I’m seriously scared for my mental health. Everything is overwhelming me and I don’t think I can do this.
For context, my mum has leg ulcers and can only move between the bed, the commode and her chair. She is housebound and has been for a few years. An external carer comes in once a day to get mum out of bed and to give her a wash but beyond that, everything else is on me. If it was just cooking and cleaning in a “normal” house, I could manage better but what with trying to declutter a three bedroom house on little sleep and support, I’m exhausted. I don’t like the person this situation is making me and I honestly don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.