Mum, with dementia, Addisons, under active thyroid stage 3 kidney disease, Taci cardia,
999 call and into hospital at 9 am on a Saturday, after waiting 5 hours for ambulance, I was convinced it was a stroke, but turned out sepsis, pneumonia and UTI
In A& E for 36 hours on a hard bed, then to a medical ward, who promptly said she can go home after one night of care. I got the impression she was too much to handle on a busy ward. Definitely discharged far too soon. We didn’t stay overnight , just in day . We did most of her care while in there as it was so so mad crazy busy.
Got home. Weak as a kitten, got her bed down in lounge, got a commode, but now 3 weeks on, she won’t eat, or drink. Urine bright yellow, no bowel movement since 2nd week home. So nothing for last 6 days or so. GP says if she not eating much, and I mean she will nibble at a one egg omelette, or eat 3 spoons of porridge. Social services gave me phone numbers for so named Micro Carers, but not a one has got back to me. I told SS no one replied to messages and texts, they said it’s so difficult to get a carer , nothing more they can do just keep trying.
What a diabolical way to run a service !
So it’s down to me. Mum is a large person, hard to help her move about if she don’t want to, same for feeding her. Throws food on the floor on other side of bed to hope I won’t notice. Of course the dog is in cloud heaven. Extra food.
I am sleeping on sofa, not getting much sleep. We got a buzzer for mum to use. She is abusing the dam thing. Presses it at all hours day and night just to say she wondered where I was. I get a few hours sleep in between buzzer goi g. Rest of family are less than useful, lots of advice, do this ask that, but if I ask for someone to sit with her while I go to shop, they are out the door in a flash. My sister comes few times a week, and between us we get a bed bath done, but god you would think we were killing her. The fuss she makes.
Chemist messed up all her new meds, I went there 5 times in first week home, no there’s no script here, GP assured she sent it a week ago. Then I made a fuss and they found 2 orders, all dated 7 days ago. So now I am on look for a different chemist as others say it’s gone down hill since new owners
I can’t stay on the sofa much longer. My back kills me every morning. Honestly. I never thought I would be a slave to mother at my age 65 , I gave up work 3 years ago , and live off Carers allowance and a small occupation pension, that takes me over UC threshold. Mum gets AA that pays most of her needs ans state pension. I’ve applied for reduced CT and social tariff on water bill and phone. Basically I am asking, after moaning to you all, sorry, is there anything else I can claim. ? And a friend told me I loose career allowance when I get state pensions in 9 months 
. Any hints, tips, how to cope how to get mum to eat and drink, and get time for me. As I feel like a total slave to pull up nappies, wet bed washing several times a day.
You have a lot on there…as for suggestions to improve the situation, I don’t have a lot to offer, except to say go back to social services and tell them this:
They have a legal duty of care to ensure your mother’s wellbeing and yours, and that currently by putting the onus on you they are abdicating that responsibility. It is their duty under the Care Act 2014 to make sure that services are in place to support your mother, and you expect them to carry it out.
I really can’t think of anything else. Best bet on the finance front is to talk to Citizens’ Advice in your area.
@Christine_2001 Have to agree with Charles - you are being expected to do way too much. Do you have a local ‘Support for Carers’? If so might be worth giving them a call. The only other suggestion I have is to write to your mother’s GP and say that they have a ‘Duty of Care’ to your mother and to YOU. I would send it special delivery personally.
Hi @Christine_2001 , with all you have got going on, fighting for what your mother needs and advocating for your own care is probably the last thing you feel like doing; but I agree with the others here, mentioning Duty Of Care to both social services and the GP is definitely the first step.
You sound exhausted, you are in pain due to the sleeping arrangements, worried about how you will cope financially; this isn’t sustainable. It sounds as though your Mum needs more help than you are able to give. Unfortunately carers often need to make a total nuisance of themselves in order to get some support. Do it whilst you still have some fight left in you. If you burn out then someone else would have to take over. We can’t look after others if we don’t take care of ourselves.
Write to the CEO of the hospital, heading the letter UNSAFE DISCHARGE. Have Social Services done a Needs Assessment recently? A Carers Assessment for you? Does mum own or rent her home? Given all mum’s ailments, do you think mum needs full time care? What is the GP doing?