Renting a larger home to provide care

My Father is 95, diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and reluctant to accept or pay for care to visit him in his own home; which has been an issues for at least 5 years.

Since Coronavirus lockdown, he’s become more dependent on the care I provide.

My Father lives in a very small privately rented 2 bed house which is too small for myself to live there permanently, the Tenancy is in my Fathers name and should my Father have to go into a care home or die, I would become homeless.

My 1 bed Housing Association flat is on the second floor and there isn’t a lift; plus, it just wouldn’t be practical.

Due to my own long term health issues, I’m also in receipt of benefits.

So my question; what’s available from a benefit perspective, so I can rent a larger 2 bed house, maybe a bungalow with the Tenancy Agreement in my name and my Father moving in ?

I have money for a deposit, a large one if need be and also for the advanced rent.

The rent allowance awarded by Housing Benefit for two adults sharing one property would be higher than the single person 1 bed room allowance, although my Fathers rent, currently paid for by Housing Benefit, is much higher than the current 1 bedroom rate.

I could also end up being homeless, as what would happen if my Father wasn’t permanently living at the property for whatever reason; the 2 person rent allowance would no doubt be reduced and I wouldn’t be able to afford the rent ?

Anyone with any experience of what I believe is maybe a solution to my current predicament ?

Don’t do it!
You are right to consider the prospect of being made homeless, there have been a number of forum members caring for elderly parents in the family home who have been kicked out after the caree dies or moves into residential care.
A bit more information would be helpful.
How much care does dad need? Do you have power of attorney?
Is he receiving Attendance Allowance? Claiming exemption from Council Tax?

Hello Dave. welcome to the forum

This sounds like a difficult situation for you, wanting to care for your Dad but also having to consider your own security. I’d suggest you ring our helpline on 0808 808 7777 Mon- Fri 9am - 6pm and they’ll be able to tell you what you can expect in terms of benefts and housing .

It might also be helpful to download our ‘Looking after someone’ guide from our support page and check what kind of practical help you’re entitled to for your Dad’s care:

Best wishes


My Father is still able to walk about by his self, able to dress, sometimes wears odd socks puts T shirts or jumpers on back to front, forgets how to dress on occasions, won’t take his medication without assistance but can still wash and use the bathroom/toilet by his self; and move bedroom furniture around that’s too heavy during the early hours or the morning.
He won’t eat proper meals unless prepared for him but will eat all the food stored in the fridge. within days; I have to hide most food.

He has no concept of time off day and will awake at 5am and want to sit outside, even when it’s too cold and raining but he can’t get through the door ways without assistance, mainly due to the high thresholds of the double glazed doors, the steps and there’s no hand rails either.

We also have issues with the landlord, (who’s a relative) not maintaining the house, updating or adapting the house for an elderly person; my Father’s scared to complain unless he’s kicked out and because Social Services say my Father still has mental capacity to understand and knows what they are talking about, there’s nothing they can do without his permission.
All my family are in awe of the bloody landlord, who totally ignores my request, won’t even speak to me.

Yeah, my Father gets Attendance Allowance and Council Tax Exception, no Power of Attorney yet, too much squabbling with family members who live miles away, visit once in a blue moon and do absolutely nothing when they do visit; well, they manage to leave all the cups, saucers and plates they’ve used next to the kitchen sink.

Dave, on the forum we call relatives like that “Helicopters”. They drop in unexpectedly, often tell us what MORE we should be doing (whilst they do sweet FA) and then fly off, without bothering to tidy up after themselves, to be seen again who knows when. My helicopters only came to see mum about every 18 months on average!! Your relatives have effectively lost any right to say what hap

Does dad still understand money? It’s actually too late now for dad to sign a Power of Attorney, so if you are concerned about how he is managing his money, there is a very simple alternative. It’s called Appointeeship. You write to DWP explaining that dad has dementia, you are concerned about his money management. Google this for more info, it’s usually a quick and easy process, then you have to set up an account in YOUR name, specifically for dad’s money. I do this for my son with learning difficulties, the account debit card says Mrs. X Y in relation to M, so I don’t use the wrong card.

Have you looked at the Alzheimer’s Society website, it deals with all forms of dementia, there might be some information you find useful there. Others will be along later, here, with more advice.

My Father still understands money but he can’t relate to cost of things, he still like to know the cost of the shopping and read the receipt but all other bills etc, are not even opened just put in a draw.

Other than what I‘ve described, his dementia is mild, I can still communicate with him and have conversations but his mind does wander.

He’s understanding of Power of Attorney and in person he tells all organisations to deal with me, even on the occasions we’ve visited the bank, but it’s the legal aspect that’s needed, which is beyond him, not because he doesn’t understand but because he just can’t be bothered.

Social Services have said because he has the mental capacity to make decision and understands the crux of their conversation, they can’t force home to accept home help care if he doesn’t want it.

From what you describe, becoming dad’s Appointee would be a good idea, so you can handle all the bills etc. It is appropriate if he can’t be bothered. Google “DWP appointee” for more information.

I currently handle all my Fathers finances, buy all his shopping, clothing etc and I organised all bills to be paid by Direct Debit many years ago.
I don’t know who or how he initially applied for all his current benefits but according to a Benefits Assessment at the Hospital, he’s receiving everything he’s entitled to.

If being a DWP Appointee is not a necessary requirement, then it’s not high on my priorities at the moment but I will look into it, thanks.

My main concern is the care quandary and my Father to live in a house which is more suitable, one where he can call for maintenance and repair to be carried out without the fear of being kicked out.

Currently, I have my own home to take care of, which is in a totally different area to where my Father live and prior to the Coronavirus lockdown, I use to visit my Father at least twice per week, sometimes every other day and my Father appeared to be managing ok but from what I’ve observed during lockdown, I don’t think it’s safe to leave my Father to care for his self anymore.

An extract from “Become an appointee for someone claiming benefits.”

“If the benefit is overpaid, depending on the circumstances, you could be held responsible.“

I don’t fancy being in this position should my Fathers benefits be overpaid.

Dave, does dad receive Housing Benefit? If so, then wherever he lives, he should be entitled to it, so it might be possible to rent somewhere else, however there is a real possibility that this would make dad a lot more confused. Have you spoken to the Housing Officer at the local council about the conditions at dad’s home? Landlords are required to keep a property in good order. My father in law, years ago, had a property that needed a lot doing to it, the Housing Officer took control and it was all sorted.

Yeah, my Father is currently receiving Housing Benefit and he could easily rent elsewhere and get the rent paid but in the current situation I have no voice, my concerns are totally ignored by my family, especially the landlord and I end up paying for and carrying out repairs myself plus all the decorating, as that’s the easier alternative, while the landlord’s laughing all the way to the bank, bragging that they like to get away twice a year, spend Christmas and New Year in Cyprus and always lease a new Mercedes every 3 years

Social Service said they can’t force the landlord to make adaptions.

The issues with the house are only minor repairs and maintenance which should be addressed but build up over time and the landlord does the bare minimum that’s required.
The kitchen is dated and not practical for modern living, it may of been acceptable & state of art during the 1970’s but limited by today’s standards.
Involving Housing Officers will open a can of worms and what’s to stop the landlord evicting my Father, as a result, whether he would I doubt it but I don’t want to be responsible for such a situation.

Maybe ask Shelter about whether dad can be evicted then?

All Tenants with Short Hold Tenancy Agreements can be evicted at any time; including myself should I rent somewhere larger; landlord‘s hold all the cards.

Rather than attempt resolve the current situation, I’d much prefer to explore the possibilities of renting a larger property, either in my name or in mine and my Fathers name, with myself and my Father living at property together; this way, I will at least have a voice and can correspond with the landlord rather than being totally ignored.

Therefore, I would much prefer to hear from forum members who have done the same whilst in receipt of Benefits.

My concern is that you would then lose your current home and could not return to it after dad dies, and couldn’t afford to stay in the new home either. Too many carers have been made homeless by trying to do the right thing and care for parents.
I’m also concerned that moving dad to a new home would make him very confused, and will be extra work for you.
I’ve been on the forum for many years and cannot ever remember anyone doing what you propose, we can only speak with authority about what we ourselves have done.
There have been a number of people who have owned their homes, and sold up and moved in with parents, or parents have moved in with them, the majority seem to regret doing it, as needs increase rapidly once someone reaches the age of 85.
It’s a very difficult situation and ultimately your decision.

Thanks for your response Bowlingbun.

It was just a thought, nothing’s been decided and I’m weighing up the options.

Although my Father is 95 and suffering from dementia, he’s still very much with it and is understanding of conversations; yeah, he gets confused and things have to be repeated but he does eventually understand; well so he says.

My Fathers been unhappy in his home for years, he’s had issues with younger neighbours moving in, and having to endure months of building work; one neighbour has carried out building work every summer for 8 years.

Also, he doesn’t like the issues regarding repairs & the shoddy workmanship, he keeps comparing it to living in his council house; how being able to call the Council and a few days later a Tradesman will turn up.

As for myself, I’ve been looking to move for sometime, I’ve clung onto my flat for far too long because it’s an Housing Association property with a secure Tenancy but it’s just not with keeping anymore; for years the Housing Association has failed to control the Anti Social Behaviour and Drug Use; I’m forever complaining, even to my MP and either nothing comes of my complaints or when a troublesome Tenant is moved on; the same problems occur with the new Tenant and the whole process of complaining starts again, which can take up to 18 months of distribution before a Tenant is finally evicted.

Welcome to the Cannabis using, Social Underclass of Britain.
It’s a shame,; when I first moved in, it was a nice and very well maintained estate with communal gardens.

Asking on this forum, was to acquire knowledge from the experiences of those who have done what I’m thinking; so to help me decide whether it’s an idea worth pursuing.

Hi Dave,

Neither of you sound to be very happy with your existing accommodation, it sounds very grim. I’m so lucky having been brought up on the edge of the New Forest. Even if you don’t have much money there is so much you can do.

Have you looked at any letting agencies for something more suitable for you?

Yeah, I look on a regular basis for myself but the next stumbling block is finding a property in a nice area where the landlord accepts residents in receipt of benefits.

My description of mine and my Fathers accommodation sounds much worse than it is.

In my case, due to time spent away from my home, whether saying at my partners home, my Fathers or in and out of Hospital, all makes it tolerable but in the last few years its got much worse and I’m no longer in and out of Hospital since surgery, I’m also single, so staying at my girlfriend’s isn’t an option either.

However, judging by the response from this forum, it does appear, that renting a larger property with my Father; is not the done thing, especially whilst in receipt of benefits.

Hi all

I am new here and is unsure whether to post of not but I am not knowing where to go everywhere me and my mum have been have been slammed in our faces with people promising to this that and the other, only to walk away.

I am a carer for my mum she was diagnosed as having bone cancer (Myeloma) in 2017, where she was in hospital for 4 weeks and on dialysis three times a week, quite poorly, also had chemo in hospital - her light chains were 5000 and they are meant to be 20, also had pnuemonia, came out of hospital and a few weeks later ended up back in with pneumonia again and on dialysis. for the past three years we have been putting up with noise from our neighbours waking my mum up in the morning (my mum is having chemo) and when they have woken her up, she finds it hard to go back to sleep sometimes, they smoke cannibis which comes down in to our flat, he has come down and threatened us, he has harassed us, we have 20 crime reference numbers, we are told we are not allowed to use diaries, log sheets, and also originally told to use the app where I sent 8 recordings and they have lost 8 recordings. we have complained countless times only to get the housing officer or the team leader we can’t get any higher them them two, we also just had a telephone call when we should have had something in writing. Then the second time we complained we had an email stating that my mum had refused to do mediation with them but how can you do mediation with neighbours who come down and threaten you and also my mum has not refused to do mediation but one time the housing officer cancelled herself because I believe she was unwell and my mum was rushed to hospital with pneumonia again last march.

Also my mum was in hospital last year having had to have an operation as she had something growing on the end of her appendix which she had removed and it turned out to be secondary cancer and one of her wounds took three months to heal all the while shes had to put up with all of this, she was on antibiotics twice as she had infections in the wound, one of the antibiotics she was allergic to and had a reaction made her sick and put her off of her food. My mum is still occasionally sick sometimes. I am constantly looking out for infections in my mum and having to get on top of them quick as her immune system is low which is not nice she has also had the covid jab which made her temperature spike, had a sore arm, tired and quite poorly where all my mum wants to do bless her is rest or sleep do you think she can no she can’t.

They have had countless "polite words) now we have been told by the said housing officer we just have to poke up and tolerate it and that they have the right to block me from the app.

The housing officer has called me a Drama queen basically for saying you have lost 8 recordings of mine and we are not allowed to use log sheets or diaries.

The housing officer seems to be on their side not neutral at all, and the latest one is I am blocked from using the app, I don’t know if anyone is going through the same - this is what I would like to know by writing on here see if anyone has sort of the same issues so that they may be able to give some advice or tips as to what to do that may have worked for them as anything is needed here as I really don’t feel comfortable living in my own home at the moment - are housing associations allowed to block people from the app. I don’t know if anyone knows the app but when you record when you listen to the app it reduces the sound so basically you have to send it off without listening which makes it low noise - there have been loads of bad reviews of the app on the actual app itself I have told the housing office this and they swear by this app.

Well when I was blocked from the app - I was told that they have not broken their tenancy er yes they have because smoking cannibis is meant to meant to be illegal and zero tolerance policy and also coming down and threatening behaviour - 20 crime reference numbers

My mum is losing weight again and her consultant said have you anything stress related and she said yes so he said well yes that would stress you out and make you lose weight.

Its effecting me as well as I can’t sleep I go to bed have about an hour to read etc (me time or try to) as I am up all day for mum, then by the time mum goes to bed I need me time then when I do try to go to sleep I am up till about three four in the morning and then I think great I can have a lie in and then they wake us up and sometimes its hard to go back to sleep my sleep pattern is all over the place I spoke to the drs there is not much they can do either.

I really do not know where else to turn or what to do, I am at my wits end.

I need some advice off of someone or guidance as to where to go.

Can you clarify what “app” you have been blocked from?
What exactly do you want to change?

Yes sorry I have apparently been blocked from the noise app that is what it is called it has an orange logo